Talking to another man today we got into the subject of defects we all have to deal with from time to time. And we both came up with one, which I often don’t see. He was the same. And that one is selfishness.
Of course that is one which is hard to spot for someone like me. First of all it’s one of those which gets lost in my ego. The bondage of self, as the the Third Step prayer states it. And everyday, as I start the day with that prayer, I try to make it clear to myself that this is what I want to give up. Perhaps in part it does go away until I forget and then it’s back for the rest of the day.
However if I would stop and think about the word selfish I might clearly see what’s going on. I want things to go my way. Like my friend said that sometimes he has had his sponsor point that out to him. And we both knew that when these things come up that we’re off base and really not living a spiritual way of life.
Again that’s why we go to meetings. To be reminded of what is wrong with us and what we can do to turn all of this around. To get the message to practice these principles in all of our affairs. To put these Steps into action on a daily basis. Again, to be reminded that the spiritual life is not a theory. That we have to live it.
One way of doing that is to learn how to express my gratitude for all I have been given in this program. And often that’s why I need to be open and sharing with my friends and get the feedback I need from time to time. I have certainly learned over time that there are going to be times I am going to stumble and need to be told to pick myself up and dust myself off and get back on track again.
That’s definitely why I need my friends in here. I know they will not hesitate to point out to me what I need to hear. They often will tell me what it is I definitely need to do. To get my mind back to where it needs to be. To be reminded that I’m and alcoholic and I need to do whatever it is to stay on this path I need to be on.
Often I know I might think I know what I’m doing. But I need to be reminded of what is really wrong with me. Like that spiritual teacher said, we’re not saints. We’re still human beings and not spiritual. We have to learn each day how to practice this spiritual way of life. It only takes a moment to find ourselves off this path. I need to remember that.
And for me it’s that Tenth Step I need to be aware of. The spiritual axiom. Whenever we’re disturbed there’s something wrong with us. That’s what I have to correct, not someone else. And then to once again deal with the emotions which could lead me to anger and resentments. A danger for someone like me. I’ve not only read that in the BB, but have seen it throughout the years in here.
And all of this is a definite reminder to me that what has saved me and turned my life around for the better is the Second Step and this spiritual way of life. I know that I have to pray and meditate on a daily basis. To put the Third Step into action and the Eleventh. I know I need to turn my life over to my Higher Power, the God of my understanding, because that’s exactly where my sobriety is.
Anyway I just needed to stop and take some time to get my mind on track. To think about this day and my need to stay sober.