Once again the Third Step came up today. I mean it’s there each and everyday, but often it is brought up to remind someone like me of its importance in my life. If I want to stay sober.
It was the topic of the meeting today. Then, when I came home, there it was in an email to once again to emphasize the importance of this Step in my life. Makes me grateful that I have others to point out the need I have to put this into action in my life.
One of the things I remembered today was how mixed up I was at the time I finally was able to find that I was supposed to be doing this Step. Previously I had a difficult time in bringing the Second Step into my life. I mean I had come into this program not to drink. I really didn’t want to do anything more than not drink and I definitely didn’t want to do anything else than that. Whatever it was that members were talking about was something I didn’t want to get involved with.
Of course my old sponsor pushed the BB in my face and told me that he wanted me to read the fourth chapter We Agnostics, the introduction to the spiritual way of life. The Second Step. And after arguing with myself I finally surrendered and acquired a Higher Power. It opened the door to this program. And that’s when I ran into the Third Step.
Had to come to deal with my “intellect”. I finally began to realize what my sponsor meant, when he told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did, he told me. And I was to find out how right he really was. There I was paralyzed by my continuous analysis of the concept of God. And, though I know I often think about that moment at a meeting back then, when they were talking about the Third Step, I can’t help it. It was in that meeting that two women, one a sponsor and the other her sponsee or pigeon, turned and asked what God’s will was for her. Her sponsor replied, the other nine Steps. And all my arguments vanished and I accepted that Step. Amazing.
One of the things emphasized was my dependency on my Higher Power, the God of my understanding. How much I need him in my life, my staying sober. How much I need to change my life for the better. To turn things around from where I was when I came through these doors. My control issues, my struggles with my emotions, my faults, my resentments, my fears, my anger, and so much more.
Eventually I came to realize how I needed to develop hope and faith, and come to believe in love. To practice these principles in all of my affairs. To learn how to discipline myself in prayer and meditation. Not easy for this alcoholic, despite the fact that it was nothing new in my life. I had been brought up and trained in these practices. Yet I balked and found that I was going to struggle with these things. I still do to some extent, but I’m aware of the great need of these in my life.
That’s why I go to meetings, read and talk about these with others. I need to recognize that I cannot stay sober by myself. But the people I depend on are one element in all of this. The basic need I have is to recognize how desperately I need my Higher Power, if I want to stay sober. I didn’t stop drinking on my own. I had to have the God of my understanding step in and remove the alcohol from my life. I had to beg God to do this for me. I had to learn how to be grateful and how to express this gratitude for all he has done for me. That and to learn how to discipline myself to ask for the help I need. I have come to understand that I cannot do this on my own.
Once again, the spiritual life is not a theory. We, me, with everyone in here, have to live it.