Today was a great reminder to me of why I am here. One of the subjects was gratitude. The other was thinking of a drink, but not drinking. In a way they fit right in with a discussion I was having with a friend of mine. We were talking about being alcoholics.
One thing we both agreed on immediately was how grateful we were to be alcoholics. And that was because we were it was what opened the door for us to this program, which has so changed our lives for the better. And the truth is that we found a faith in the one, who stopped us from drinking. Neither one of us could claim that we stopped drinking on our own. We didn’t.
And that led to us talking about our gratitude, which came up later. Not only did our Higher Power bring us in not drinking, but through the spiritual life we found and the Steps we were restored to sanity and had a spiritual awakening.
I remember my sponsor telling me that I was not responsible for my stopping drinking and my sobriety. However he then said that even though I was not responsible I was now responsible for my not drinking and working this program. I think both of us looked back and could clearly see the gifts we had been given. We really didn’t have to do anything but agree to do the will of our Higher Power. He did all the rest for us.
At the same time a member told how they were tempted to take a drink today, but didn’t want to and came to a meeting. I was reminded that I had an incurable disease called alcoholism. It’s here within me and not going anyplace. I will have it for the rest of my life. And even though, thanks to my restoration to sanity and the spiritual awakening, I never really think about a drink. However the potential is still just beneath the surface in my unconscious mind.
I realize that the threat of a drink is always going to be there. Like I said, I never will be cured. And the problem is deep within the rest of me. The God of my understanding took the bondage of alcohol away from me. I was placed in neutrality as far as alcohol is concerned. The physical part of me has been taken care of. It’s the mental which has never been changed, except by this program.
That’s where I have to look to these Steps. It’s now up to me to take responsibility for doing what I need, with the help of my Higher Power, to try to “limit” my faults. Especially what’s hidden in my unconscious mind, which discolored my personality for the worse and did so much damage to me and others, as Bill W. pointed out. And he is not alone in that.
Psychiatrists and others have pointed that out about what’s hidden that we cannot reach even with help. And we only get to see and experience what’s invisible to us, when something happens and awakens this stuff because our emotions formed back whenever always remembers and takes over our minds and our actions. And like Dr. Peck and others point out that the solution is spiritual. Exactly what the program provides us with, if I am willing to do what is necessary to change.
I know with the use of the Tenth Step, the Eleventh, and the Twelfth that I can definitely begin to negate some of the damage these emotions, my defects, can do to me. My friend and I talked about how our willingness to stop some of the most damaging of these. Anger and resentments to start with. And I have to thank my old sponsor and those old timers for helping me to begin to learn how to do this through these Steps.
Anyway I had to stop and think about all of this. Especially how I need to look at gratitude as an action word. I can put the spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step to work, but then I need to practice prayer and meditation, and in thanksgiving begin to reach out to others and give away what I was so freely given. Just thinking about staying sober.