I couldn’t help but think today how this program has worked for me and how it can work for anyone who is willing to surrender and get sober. Once again we had another person, fairly young, who had gone back out and was returning.
The thing I think most of us were thinking about was how much this reminded all of us of our own struggles with alcohol. I know, for instance, I had no idea what was wrong with me, except I couldn’t stop drinking, no matter what I tried. Totally out of control. So the only solution I could see was to end my life. I was in total despair. Hopeless. Thank my Higher Power for that bartender who grabbed my wrist, as I was getting up and leaving to commit suicide. I can always remember him saying, “Can I help you?”. And he did by getting the man, who gave me hope by telling me there was a place where men and women met and stayed sober together. He then said he would take me there, if I wanted to go.
I can’t remember if I ever heard of AA. I know I definitely knew nothing about it. I also remember that I had no idea that I was an alcoholic. In fact I don’t think I ever thought that way at all. It was only when I read the Doctor’s Opinion in the BB that I suddenly realized what was wrong with me. I immediately identified with his description of what was wrong with me. I found I had a disease for which there was no cure. But, as I read on, I realized there was a solution.
Anyway what I definitely thought of today was that the beginning of the solution had to be what turned so many of us into sober alcoholics. Pain. That darkness within. Total despair. I know that every time I think about this I go back to the 12&12 to the First Step and its insistence on bottoms. And, as I listened to others today they all seemed to identify with the need for pain to turn us around and make us surrender to that First Step.
Once again today I was presented with what I so often think about. Hope. That virtue is what I’m very often conscious of each and every day. From the first moment I felt that hope at the beginning, when my friend told me about this program. Each and every time I know that I experience hope is the beginning of a new resolution in faith. That’s because each time hope becomes a reality in my life my faith is reinforced. And this program is ever a source of hope.
Rough in the beginning, of course for all of us. No overnight solution. However I know that I was given hope at that first meeting, when I heard all those people telling their stories. Very much like today for that young man. And I knew that most everyone in the room was hoping that this alcoholic would come in and surrender like we all did.
Then too I also couldn’t help but scan what this program has done for me. All it has given me. I looked at the happiness and peace of mind I have received. The spiritual experiences and awakenings which are the results of putting this program into action. A new way of living. Freedom from the old ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. And, of course, freedom from alcohol.
I know I received reinforcement of the concept that I cannot stay sober by myself. I heard that in many forms today. It once again restored my gratitude and helped me to focus on why I am here. To stay sober. And to express my thanksgiving to my Higher Power for all of this and to never forget my old sponsor, those old timers, and all my friends in here.