Often I can go back to the BB and find things I love to read and think about. I know I have a list in my head. Often I go and quote these to myself and others. But one I have stuck with over the years is the woman who hated her mother. Freedom From Bondage.
In the end she states that she gets everything she needs in AA and that she always gets what she needs. And that when she gets what she needs she finds it’s what she wanted all along. I often go back to this. I have found it’s what is true in my life. I don’t always get what I want, but I do get what I need and when I get what I need I know it’s what I wanted all along. The very same thing.
However I think her story is so strong in terms of dealing with resentment and hatred of others. I know I came into this program not knowing that I was loaded down with resentments from the past. I only discovered that when I was doing my Eighth Steps. I was almost ready to continue making amends, when it became clear to me that I had a huge hurdle, if I wanted to continue to put this program into action. Thank my Higher Power that there was help for someone like me.
Somehow I got through the Eighth and Ninth. That’s where I experienced my restoration to sanity and the understanding of the Spiritual Awakening. Never want to forget that. However the human faults within me were still there. Maybe not at the degree they were, when I came in. And that’s when I stumbled across this story in the BB.
Her description of her obsession in resentment, anger, and hatred of her mother is something else. I think it’s probably what I discovered in myself, but would have hated to admit to. Maybe mine weren’t to the degree hers were, but they were there nevertheless. And when she discovered the solution, a spiritual solution, I needed to attempt to do it myself. It worked. And when one of our members, who one day described to me the hatred he had for two men, I told him that he ought to read this and do what she recommended. He did and he became a close friend of one of them and established a relationship with the other. Amazing.
I saw what happened to some in here, especially my first sponsor, who got caught up in deep resentments. They all went back out and drank again. A few of them died shortly after they drank. My sponsor was one. I never have forgotten that nor do I want to. It helps me to stick with this story and its answer to these kinds of overwhelming emotions. The spiritual solutions we have in here. What I need.
Anyway, thinking of this brings my staying sober to mind once again. A reminder to me that I never want to drink again. And, as always, it brings my gratitude for my Higher Power and all he has given me that I need. And I can’t forget all those men and women who have helped me to stay sober.