Couldn’t help but think of a number of things today about how we stay sober and grow along human and spiritual lines. The Tenth, Eleventh, and Twelfth Steps. All of them really.
I had been thinking about a lot of things and then a conversation with a friend of mine turned it all around and focused my thoughts. What came up was “I was wrong” and never quitting, no matter what. Things I learned from the BB and my sponsor. There we were talking and there was what I had learned.
Reminded me of what my sponsor told me a number of times. That I didn’t know. I only thought I did. My reaction to things was so far off base that it was a wonder I didn’t walk out and take a drink. My sponsor helped me learn to take a deep breath and step back. Often I learned to take a look at that Tenth Step, that whenever we were disturbed there was something wrong with us, not the other person. I had to learn that I had to change. Didn’t matter what it was that disturbed me and made me angry and resentful. I had to look at my reaction. Usually my emotions taking over my mind and my actions. The very fact that my emotions were in charge should tell me something. How wrong I was.
At this point I often go back to what I learned from my sponsor and those old timers and how right they were. I had to learn how to put my intellect over my emotions. I had to be attentive and aware of what was going on. Not always easy. And this is where my Higher Power has to enter into my life. By myself I’m not going to handle things all that well. I need to learn how to turn things over to him. Especially when dealing with others. I had to learn not to say “I’m sorry” and to change it into “I was wrong”. Talk about beginning to learn some degree of humility.
Once again this is the gradual process of learning to grow along spiritual lines. Not an overnight event. The old reminder that time takes time. Patience is a virtue I never had a handle on. But again it’s about learning to change. Changing from what I once was into a new and better person. I knew this was possible because of all the examples around me. Hard to miss, unless I closed my mind and my heart. Another lesson. I had to practice opening my mind and my heart and listen.
And that reminded me of what I needed to practice, if I wanted to never drink alcohol again and stay sober. I had to learn to never quit. Never to give up. I had to come to meetings and talk with others to not only listen but to witness what others were doing. They were resolved to never resign. They taught me how to be aware and persevere. And that’s where the Second and Third Steps came in. Coming to believe, to have faith in a Power greater than myself and then to turn my will and my life over to my Higher Power. To come to recognize what I had surrendered in that First Step. My unmanageable life. To once again to face the truth about myself and begin to practice a little humility. To learn from the example of those I was willing to share with.
Anyway I am grateful for what my friend and I were able to share with one another. Our sobriety.