One of the things which I know has aided me in my staying sober is a sense of humor. Definitely the influence of my sponsor and others taught me that. Part of that has been my learning to laugh at myself. I came to know that I need to take my sobriety seriously, but not myself. And that’s one place I began to learn all of this.
It all began early on in my sobriety. Much of it began as a result of how my sponsor and others helped me with ego deflation in depth. Their puncturing that over sized balloon that was my self centered self. My selfish, self serving personality was definitely flattened out over time. And part of that taught me how to go to the mirror and learn to puncture my stuff within me with a laugh.
I remember how it all started when my sponsor had me put a card on the mirror, which said “don’t lie to me”. That began to teach me that I had to learn to put aside a lot of my ego driven junk. Eventually I could go to that mirror and point at myself and laugh. Later on I came up with one that often changes my mood and outlook in the morning. It’s when I can look at myself and say “You klutz you’re nuts!” and leave with a laugh or a smile on my face.
I know that I was told that I must always remember that, if I want to remain sober, that I have to remember that my own sobriety is the most important thing I have. That means for the most part I must put myself first. It’s not about ego inflation. It’s about remembering that if I forget I could lose my way in here.
However that doesn’t mean that I have to take myself all that seriously. I have to take what I’m trying to do each day seriously. And that is to try to practice this spiritual way of life. To begin each day the way I learned it in here. To pray and at some point to stop and meditate, to contemplate about what reminds me or strikes me as important to my sobriety.
Yet I often can laugh at my clumsiness in attempting to live this spiritual way of life. My stumbling in prayer. How often I may begin a formal prayer and end up in thought someplace else. My losing focus. That’s why I have to remember to keep my prayers short and to sit down and write my thoughts down because it helps me to stay focused on what it is I’m doing.
I know I was encouraged early on to keep a journal where I could stop from time to time and put down my thoughts and what I was learning in here. I know that I often encourage others to do this, because I know I’m not alone in losing my focus. In fact a friend of mine in here, who studies these things, often reminds me and others of how many thoughts of all kinds simply invade the adult minds everyday. He points out that we can be sitting and thinking one thing and all of a sudden find ourselves going down another road in our heads and then find out that we have gone off track much later.
One of the reasons I often think about humor early in the day is to insure myself that I will begin the day with a positive attitude. Often the first person I run into in the day I greet with something funny and laughing. And then they return the same back to me. And that helps us to all continue with this mood, even during more serious moments, like at a meeting. It often reminds me of the prayer of St. Francis.
Anyway, I needed to stop and think about my staying sober another day. My thoughts on laughing at myself came up, when I was reminded of this by others last night and today. For me I know it’s part of my program. It makes me grateful that I was given this gift in here by others like my sponsor and so many others in this program. I feel I have been blessed with this gift.