How fortunate I have been. Listening to quite a few today who still have problems when it comes to take a drink. Thank my Higher Power for the gift of pain and desperation I was given, which was exactly what it took for me to surrender to my being powerless over alcohol. I never ever want to forget what took place and made me stop drinking and never wanting to ever drink again.
One person brought up the question of the First Step and what it took to put that Step into action in his life. He seemed to be talking about stages of surrender, but he also seemed to think that perhaps he wasn’t there yet. Thank goodness that I was in such despair back then that I was on my way to commit suicide because I couldn’t stop drinking no matter what I had tried. Thank the person, who stopped me and got me the help I needed. The gift of hope for the first time in years. And my plea to the God of my understanding to help me to stop drinking and the willingness this pain drove me to accept that I wanted to do His will for me.
There were others who also had differences when it came to surrendering to this First Step. I think a couple of them had questions about this being a disease. Alcoholism. Most of them struggling with this seemed to be saying they were in danger of temptation to a drink and that the only thing keeping them from going back out was being in a meeting.
I couldn’t help but once again thinking how fortunate I have been that when I came in I never ever wanted to drink again. I mean meetings were of great help inasmuch as the people in here gave me a lot of encouragement. But the thought of a drink had been relieved. I know that I’m not the only one who has been so blessed. I’m aware of a lot of us who have been so gifted.
When I was asked I referred back to the First Step in the 12&12 where it talks about bottoms. It pretty much describes what is needed to surrender and to work this program into our lives. It talks about the consequences of not hitting a bottom. Alcohol and death. Coming to finally listen as only the dying can listen. I know it was the compassion I have to have to practice the Twelfth Step and the Fifth Tradition that helped me to respond and try to give the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
Once again, as I listened, I was reminded of my sponsor’s warning to me. That I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. Someone even said the same thing. Amazing. How difficult it is for someone like me to actually conceive of such suffering and the inability to surrender to our being powerless. I mean I had it also until I reached the point where I could no longer stand or deal with it. I just gave up. And it was all over.
At the same time I was reminded, after I responded, of the chapter in the BB There Is A Solution. The spiritual answer which Dr. Jung gave to the young chronic alcoholic. To seek a spiritual experience. What our program is all about. The restoration to sanity and the spiritual awakening as a result of putting this program into action.
The bottom line seemed to be what one person asked to be the other subject, importance of meetings. Most people recognized the need to be at meetings on a regular basis. I know that, even though I’m not thinking about a drink, I need to be at meetings to be reminded of things I need but often forget. I recognize that I have a disease for which there is no cure. It’s still with me and always will be. I need all the help I can get on a daily basis. I can’t do this alone.
Anyway, after the meeting today, I needed to take the time to think about the importance of my sobriety. My need to stay sober and to be grateful for all the help I have been given by my Higher Power and all the people I have met in this program, my old sponsor especially.