I was reminded yesterday of something which has been going on in my life for a long time. Talking. Sounds silly, when I look at it, but just stopping to think about it I know how important that is. But just as important is listening.
I know when I got sober and came into this program I had inner walls all around me. I wasn’t going to tell anyone anything which was true or important. And just as equal was my not listening to anyone who had something to say.
Of course part of this was my overwhelming ego wanting to control everything. Much of it was complete dishonesty. Almost as equal to all of this was my total immaturity. I hadn’t grown up much, despite the fact I was over forty.
I did however want to stay sober. My taking that First Step, despite the fact I knew nothing about it, was a total surrender to my being powerless over alcohol. But the rest of me was surrounded by fear, resentments, and a whole lot more. I thought I knew everything and no one could tell me more. I didn’t want to listen to anything people were saying in here, except to not drink and to stay sober. I think even a day at a time took time to get down within me.
My second sponsor was the one who seemed to bring about all of the changes within me. That was totally due to the fact that he was the one who introduced me to the Second Step. For me the restoration to sanity and the entrance into my life of my Higher Power. It was the beginning, as far as I know, of the the spiritual life within me. It opened the door to the rest of this program, the Steps and all else this program gives to us.
My being willing to talk to others and become open to the truth about myself and others began with my second sponsor. The man I had for so many years in this program. And I was blessed with being able to get in contact with his widow until her passing away at the age of ninety with close to sixty years in this program.
But there’s much more in this picture. I had met two people early on in the program and what is amazing to me we became lifelong friends since then. It began with our talking and listening to each other. I look back at that and have to think it was the beginning of many miracles in this program. I know we still talk and listen to each other despite the fact we are geographically separated. We have helped each other stay sober and grow along spiritual lines. When we need help we are there for one another. It was the start for me of being able to open my heart to others. The beginning of love and compassion I had really never experienced before.
I know that when I was able to begin to know something of what this program was about I was introduced by my first sponsor to the Twelfth Step. As time went on I began to be able to do something with that Step. It helped me to begin to be able to reach out to others and talk to them with a little knowledge and the start of compassion. As time went on I have been able, especially backed by some connection to my Higher Power and others in this program, to try to help others open their minds and listen. And I have to be able to listen too. To the suffering alcoholic of course, but also to those with long time and experience in this program. I know how important that is for me.
I guess all of this came to mind because of a fairly intense week of talking and listening.
Anyway it is a great reminder to me of why I am here. I am here primarily to stay sober and help others. To grow along spiritual lines, regardless of how difficult it may seem at times. And to be grateful for all the help I have been given by the God of my understanding and all those who have reached out and helped me. I need to say thanks…and I hope I can still listen.