They were talking about letting go and letting God, when discussing character defects today. One of things which struck me, as others talked, were those who seemingly could admit that they still had character defects they had to deal with.
I know that I have thought about this over my time in here. Bringing my Higher Power into the picture, especially to deal with my defects. My faults. I know, as a result, many of these have been trimmed down. Nevertheless they’re still around. I’m neither disappointed nor surprised. After all I’m still human. I have no expectations of perfection. I’m still trying to grow along spiritual lines and I believe a long way to go. Then again maybe not. All I know is that as a result of turning these over I’m still sober and that’s what I need to think and remember.
I can never afford to forget why I am here to begin with. I came to this program to escape the awful hold alcohol had on me. My primary purpose. And as a result of coming here I was given these Twelve Steps, which has helped me to grow along spiritual lines. I know that I have been restored to sanity, which I was introduced to in that Second Step. The spiritual awakening which has helped to separate me from the grip of alcohol. Placed in a position of neutrality. Not cured, but I can be safe a day at a time, if I continue to practice these principles in all of my affairs.
Of course that’s a challenge to my self centered ego. This faulty personality of mine. And that leads to my faults appearing from time to time. And that demonstrates to me what is wrong with me and helps to get me to turn back to my Higher Power and ask for the help I need. In turn that becomes a reinforcement of what is going on in my life. It draws my attention back to why I came here.
I need these things to get my attention. I know that I can get absorbed in things and start to forget. That’s why I need to be reminded that I can’t stay sober by myself. I need the people in here who are like me. Alcoholics. I definitely need meetings to have my mind drawn back to where it belongs. It allows me to hear what I have to hear about what I need to do on a daily basis. Especially to be reminded of how much I need to try to live this spiritual life I have found in here.
So, when we talk about letting go and letting God, I believe it is primarily there to open my heart and mind to what I need to do each and everyday. Especially when my emotions want to take over. The danger of the loss of the sunlight the BB talks about. A threat to my sobriety and my life.
It made me grateful to be there at the meeting today just to be reminded of what it is I need to do with regularity in trying to live this sober way of life. It did make me think about the Tenth, the Eleventh, and Twelfth Steps. But it also brought my thinking, as well as couple of others, back to the Second Step. The door opener to this program. I also need to acknowledge the Third Step, turning my life and will over to the God of my understanding. Or, letting go and letting God.