Often, when I sit down to think about staying sober and writing these thoughts, I have to stop and think how did I get to where I am? I mean what I was doing out there drinking when it almost cost me my life quite a few times.
I truly couldn’t stop drinking no matter how hard I tried. That’s why I decided to finally end my life by committing suicide. The darkness and despair within me convinced me I had no way out. And then to have a friend who drank with me come and tell me that there was hope. That was so amazing. I look back and wonder how I was able to do what I did. Praying to God and asking for help and then getting it. I was pulled back from the brink by having the alcohol removed from my life. And everything in my life changed.
After the meeting today a long time friend of mine, from way back in college and in this program, and I were talking about this stuff. How, when we came in, we were convinced we knew everything and needed no help at all. And we both had to thank our sponsors for stepping up and helping us to get out of that dangerous kind of thinking. We both agreed it saved our lives. And none of this happened overnight. It took a long time. Good thing we had no expectations while all this was going on. We just had to continue to strive to work the Steps and to practice the spiritual aspects as we tried to find our way through the mess we had made of our lives.
Both of us agreed on the fact that no matter how long we have been sober in this program that the human element, our faults and defects, keep popping up. We find ourselves running back into these from time to time. A reminder that we still have a long way to go. Although I have to do things like go to my Higher Power and ask for help and forgiveness, I know from experience and with that help and the help of others in the program, I’m to keep on moving forward. I know I don’t need to get pulled down into negative emotions. I’ve learned to never get discouraged over my stumbling.
Anyway both of us expressed our gratitude for our being sober and able to live this way of life. I know for myself that for the most part I have experienced happiness and peace of mind. I have truly from time to time found serenity in here. Also there have been moments of spiritual awakenings. Not just being restored to sanity, but other spiritual rewards.
Once again I have been privileged to have the opportunity to stop and think about my staying sober a day at a time. How I have been blessed to have this way of life. And I know it’s all due to this program and my Higher Power. To the meetings I have been able to attend throughout my time in here and all the people I have been able to sit and listen and share with. All I can do is to say “Thanks” to everyone, the God of my understanding and my fellow alcoholics.