As we talked about the Second Step today a thought hit me about what it says about being restored to sanity. It’s right at the end of Step Nine in the BB. I can never forget it. It’s what hit me suddenly, when I was working that Step.
As we talked some got into their versions of a Higher Power others got into what the insanity or sanity we talk about means. For me it’s in that statement at the end of the Ninth. We’ve stopped fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol, for by this time sanity will have returned. That was what began the meaning of all this to me.
It pretty much described what this disease is all about. The physical disease and what’s wrong with us on the mental and emotional level. Right after it states the restoration to sanity it goes on to describe what that is. It’s what places an alcoholic like myself in a position of neutrality as far as alcohol is concerned. It tells us that we will recoil from alcohol as we would a hot stove. And for me I know I rarely ever think about a drink. What a gift this program has given me. Amazing to say the least.
That doesn’t mean I have been cured. This disease is still within me and the possibility of taking a drink again is always there. And that’s because of mental and emotional issues within me. Talk about insanity, there it is. My self centered thinking. My over sized ego, which wants to be in charge of everything. And of course the hidden emotions, which appear whenever something wakes up my unconscious mind.
For me I know that is what this Second Step introduced me to. The spiritual way of life which for me led to spiritual solutions from my relationship with my Higher Power. Why I always say it was what opened the door to this program for me. By providing me with knowledge and direction I needed to start to make changes in my life and to start to become a better person I hope. The Steps began to show me what was wrong with me and how I could find the alternatives I needed. To help me rid myself of or modify what was wrong with me.
I learned from my old sponsor and those old timers that I needed to learn to modify or control my emotions. Anger, fear, anxiety, resentments, hatred, and the list goes on. I was taught to learn to put my intellect over these emotions. Of course I had to learn that I could not do this by myself. I had to have not only the guidance of others, but I had to come to learn how to ask my Higher Power for help. To learn how to install hope into my life and then to begin to firm up my faith in my Higher Power, the God of my understanding.
Of course that meant that I had to start and then continue to practice the Eleventh Step. Prayer and meditation. Attempting to remember to put the Tenth Step into action. Looking only at my part in any of my troubles and not that of someone else. Whenever I am disturbed there is something wrong with me. So that I can free myself of anger or whatever and then go on to Eleven and Twelve.
And then I have to be able to practice love. To learn to have compassion for the alcoholic who still suffers. That could be a new person or even someone with time in this program. The important part is to be willing to give what was so freely given to me by others. I have to remember that if I want to keep this program I have to learn to give it away.
Anyway, I talked about some of this with a few others after the meeting. Then when I came home I knew I had to take the time to sit and think about all of this. To wake up to the fact that I have a Higher Power in my life and how this Higher Power has been with me through all this time and has provided me with the strength and the grace I need to stay sober a day at a time. The restoration to sanity. And I am grateful.