Great topic today was one we could all share about. That was the word and concept, “acceptance”. Something we all had or still have trouble with. Depends on where we are in here.
I know for myself and a lot of others that the word acceptance began with surrender. My being able to surrender in that First Step that I was powerless over alcohol. For me anyway, as with a few others, I had no argument with the fact that I couldn’t stop drinking. The disease of alcoholism owned me. So when I finally asked the right Source for help, I got it. And that’s when I came into these rooms for the guidance and resources I needed. I just gave up and accepted the fact that I was totally out of control and that I needed to stop drinking and never wanted a drink of alcohol ever again.
So here I was in this program, where so many had surrendered and accepted this program, and I wasn’t sure that what they had was what I wanted. I was still insane and immature. I thought I knew what was best for me and everyone else. What was that? Who knows? I just opened my mouth and started telling everyone what I thought was what works. And that’s when I got put back in my seat.
I was told to shut up. That I didn’t know what I was talking about. I knew how to drink, but I had no idea how to stay sober. I needed to stop talking and take the cotton out of my ears and open my mind and my heart and listen. That was the beginning in here.
The start of acceptance. Didn’t come all at once, but nevertheless those old timers and my old sponsor had opened the door for me and begun the changes I so desperately needed. I had to learn to step back from that huge ego of mine. I had to learn how to give up control. My ego and my emotions were in control and I was going to have to learn how to be aware of what was going on within me and change.
I needed to learn how to ask for help from the right people, especially the one who could change everything for me. And that’s where the Second Step came into the picture. Being able to admit that lack of power was my dilemma. I desperately needed to succeed in getting a Power greater than myself. My Higher Power and come to have hope and belief, which would become the beginning of my actually staying sober a day at a time.
I was given a BB and told not just to read it but to take the time to study it. I had to learn what it meant and how to do what it was talking about. And that’s where this fellowship came into play in here. People who could share with me and show me what it was that I needed to do. And that’s where my sponsor began to be able to play a huge part in my life. He and so many others got me to accept what I needed to do. They did this by not just sharing with me, but by their examples. I could actually witness how this program worked.
Today I know that surrender is a real tool I need to help me to stay sober. Surrender and accept. How to get out of my own way rather than tripping over my character defects in here. That and still learning how to grow up. Something I found out that I had failed to do. I was still immature. Or, as my sponsor told me, that I was immature, insecure, and oversensitive.
I had to learn how my emotions were a danger for me and I had to put my intellect over my emotions. To think with my head and not my heart. After all my emotions were what were always getting me into anger and resentments with those around me.
With the help of my Higher Power, my sponsor, and others I began to learn what I needed to do. Didn’t happen overnight. It took a long time. I just had to have the hope and faith and grow in the desire to change and accept this program a day at a time. Has it worked? It must have. I’m still here, still sober, and for the most part happy and at peace. I’m not a saint and still human. I can find myself stumbling, and bumbling, and falling back into my old ways. But not as severe as I once was. I have a disease that is incurable and I will have it until the end of my life. But I don’t need to drink alcohol. I can keep on learning to change and accept what I need to do each and everyday. Grateful for what I have been given.