One of the nicest gifts I have been given is to be able to sit quietly and do the Tenth Step, then the Eleventh. After that, to take the time to remember why I am here in the first place.
When I stop and think about this, I remember what my sponsor once told me. He said to me that I was not responsible for my being sober, nor was I responsible for being in this program. After he told me this, he then told me that I was responsible for staying sober and putting this program into action. I now know how right he was.
Sitting here and thinking about those words I am able to think about what it is I am supposed to be doing. And that is staying sober this day. That’s what I’m able to do. Staying sober one day at a time. That’s my job. Nothing else is more important than that. Everything else in my life depends on just that. Being sober today.
Of course I also remember so much of what that man gave to me. He was able to show me that no matter how much education I had, I still didn’t know a thing which would enable me to stay sober. That was something I was going to have to learn in here. He told me that I was to put aside what I thought I knew and to open my mind and my heart and begin to listen. And that was just the beginning.
He then opened this closed mind of mine and showed me how to begin to put this program into action by taking the Second Step. The start of the spiritual way of life I would need, if I wanted to stay sober. I often go back to that Second Step in here. It was my surrendering to that and my Higher Power which changed almost everything in my life. It opened the door to the rest of these Steps and helped me to become open to receive all the gifts I have today.
I was sitting here and experiencing the gratitude I have for all that has been given to me. How much I owe to my Higher Power, who freed me from the bondage of alcohol to begin with. Who has opened all the doors I have walked through since I came in. The peace of mind and the serenity, and the new freedom and new happiness which I have found in here. All this is there for me anytime I want to let go of whatever it is that gets in my way.
I say this because I totally believe what it says in the BB about how imperfectly we will be able to put this program into action. Why? Because no matter what I am still a human being. A chronic alcoholic and not a saint. I have an incurable disease which will be with me for the rest of my life and I have an awful lot to still learn. I know that regardless of how much I think I know I will still be subject to stumbling over my old faults.
I need to try to be open to helping others in this program. What I was so freely given I need to freely give to those who want to get sober and stay sober. I was told that I can only keep what I have by giving it away. Hopefully I will continue to do this as long as I live.
So now I need to stop and thank my Higher Power, my old sponsor, and all those in this fellowship, who have helped me to stay sober. I know that I cannot do this alone. I need all the help I can get. Thanks.