Sometimes it strikes me that I’m not just here to stay sober for myself. Although that is my primary purpose. However over time in here I have learned that this is about all of us. I learned in here that I cannot do this alone. I need others like myself to help me to stay sober today.
When I came to this program, I walked through these doors, paranoid. I was filled with fear and had walls built up within me to keep others out. I avoided as many as I could at first. I came to meetings late and left early. And then I ran into a man, who blocked me on the way out and challenged my attendance at meetings. That did start me a little.
Like a lot in here I learned I was nothing new. I wasn’t aware of just how sick I was. All of what was going on within me and without was the sick alcoholic I dragged into these rooms. But I was totally unprepared for the old timers in these rooms, who were willing to go to any lengths to help this crazy alcoholic. I was totally unprepared.
I think the first wake up call came from an old timer, who, when I was speaking at a meeting, yelled at me to “Shut up!”. Talk about a wake up call. He told me I didn’t know what I was talking about. I knew how to drink alcohol, but I didn’t know how to stay sober. He told me to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth and begin to listen.
Despite my flush of anger, something within me told me that what I heard was good for me. I don’t know where that came from, but it calmed me down and was the beginning of my starting to pay attention. Not long after that my old sponsor also got my attention and went further into my not knowing anything. It too worked much deeper. And then came the introduction into a spiritual way of living. The Second Step.
It was the beginning of my learning how much I needed alcoholics like myself in order to stay sober. I was learning the Steps and the Traditions in meetings, but I was also beginning to slowly learn how to share with others like myself. Not easy, but, as it was pointed out to me, do-able. And my sponsor had a way of nailing me with my hidden agenda and thinking. He knew me better than I did myself.
All this led me through these Steps in here. The restoration to sanity and the spiritual awakening. The gift of the Promises. And finally I began to learn how powerful that Twelfth Step was. I came to realize over time that I was often being Twelfth Stepped in meetings and through sharing with another alcoholic like myself. Especially my sponsor.
This all led me to remembering just how important meetings are for me and, of course, others. It was in here that I could come, when I was burdened with my character defects and my negative emotions. In here I would find my defects and emotions being dissolved. I would find myself being relieved. Not only that I would learn how this program works for someone like me.
Tonight was a reminder of just how important meetings are to someone like me. They are a powerful tool in my program, because I find that I can continue to learn what it is I need to know in order to stay sober this day. I have also learned just how important it is for someone like me to be reminded of what it is I often can forget.
Anyway in talking to others lately I can see how this works both ways. Sharing and being shared with opens us up to what it is we all need to remember. And the first thing is that I’m an alcoholic with an incurable disease which will be with me until the end. And that with the help of my Higher Power and these Steps I can stay sober a day at time. But I also need others to help me along the way.
So, I guess what I’m looking at is my gratitude to the God of my understanding and everyone in this fellowship from the very beginning and up until this moment, who have helped me to stay sober and never to take a drink again. Makes me happy to say the least.