Thinking about the thoughts on being sober brought up a lot of stuff for me. The biggest of course was living a spiritual life. What is that for me?
Of course I’m not anyone to really be talking about living a spiritual life. Over the years it has changed a lot and still keeps changing. For me it has been an evolution. What it was in the beginning has changed a lot. I don’t think it has been radical, just different.
In the beginning, after the Second Step, and working at the other Steps early on, it was reading about and trying to practice meditation. Like I said not all at once, but doing what I could to understand something about a spiritual way of life. Plus I listened to what the old timers had to say and watched them and could see how their lives were probably different, as a result of working this program.
To say I was reluctant to make all the changes, which would turn my life around, is to tell the truth. I know it has been for a lot of others I know in this program. I talked to them and know it was a gradual progression, as time went on. It was that way for me. Did that interfere with my thoughts? I know I read a lot of spiritual literature back then. Sometimes I still do, but not at the level at that time.
Also I was encouraged to keep a journal. I did that for a lot of years. Writing my thoughts down. Often copying passages from what I was reading, which helped me. That helped me a lot. Often I would share some of this, when asked. But mostly it helped me make some of the changes. I could go back and see where I was off track and begin to become willing to make the necessary changes in my life. It was a form of “meditation”, I think.
What I was thinking about today is my relationship with my Higher Power and the people around me. What is it that I’m doing here? On the Eleventh Step side of this program, my prayers are much simpler and much briefer than they were. Less formal. Meditation is back and forth. By that I mean I have moments where I do what is called contemplation and that is often short for the most part. Meditation itself begins early and sometimes goes on all day on and off. Just my thinking. My questions.
Then there’s the Twelfth Step. That too has taken a radical change from what it was in the beginning. Back then there were daily calls and sometimes they were a couple a day. Going to prisons and mental institutions were a big part of that. But as hospitals changed their attitudes toward the alcoholic and detoxes opened up, and eventually rehabs came into being. The up close and personal calls dried up.
Today, for the most part, it’s at the meetings I see “newcomers” and those, who have relapsed. The truth is that I communicate with a lot of alcoholics like myself. It’s an empty day, when I don’t.
And all of this, plus the changes I have gone through, are a part of what I consider the spiritual way of life. Is there more? Yes, but I rarely talk about that. Only with those, who have a need to know. Usually men or women struggling. That’s a whole other part of this.
At night, before I go to sleep, I stop and read something spiritual. Usually something written by alcoholics like myself, discussing their practices and thoughts and their experiences. Makes me think. Like now.
This is just my stuff. Thinking about sobriety.