In the meeting today we had three men who were “newcomers” or “coming back”. And that’s what really got to me.
I mean I can tell my story, as so could some of the other “old timers”, but does it mean anything? I can only hope that someone will make a connection. In fact after the meeting I was standing outside and one of the “new” men came out and stood next to me. He had heard how I was thinking of committing suicide because I couldn’t stop drinking. He pulled up the cuff on his jacket and showed me where he had sliced his wrist. We talked and all I could tell him was that like me he never had to ever drink again, if he wanted to get sober. He half smiled and said he wanted to get sober.
After all of this I can only hope for him and the others. Again the Serenity Prayer. The things I cannot change. Each and everyone I am purely powerless over. I do know that, but sometimes it is so frustrating. I have to continue to learn each and everyday just to have faith and turn these things over to my Higher Power. But sometimes it is hard.
The one man is a man I have known for a long time. We sat next to each other through the meeting today. A guy I really like. But I can only guess what he’s going through. I mean I’ve been down that road and know what I went through. But what he’s going through? The demand alcohol has on him. Like he said we have spoiled the drink for him, but still he, like we once were, still can’t stop drinking on his own. It owns him like it did me back years ago.
I know I talked about the spiritual solution. I did in the meeting and then with him outside the meeting. He’s familiar with the BB and knew the Doctor’s Opinion and the chapter There Is A Solution. We talked about the young man in that, who was talking to and being treated by Dr. Carl Jung. He lived just about a mile away from where we were standing. And he admitted that he has played around with his thoughts on what is in there. So did I when I came in. I knew about where he is at the moment.
I wasn’t talking to him or the others and offering them my sympathy. They don’t need that. But I was offering them compassion from within myself. My hope that they might have heard something from someone, which would help them to begin to change their mind and hopefully start to come around and begin to listen to the answer to all of this. The spiritual answer for all of us, who are sober and have found the answer to our disease in here.
I realize that once again I have to remember what I have learned in here. That I have to let go and let the God of my understanding take over and do for me what I’m totally incapable of doing. Changing others. All I can do is what I have already done. To tell my story and offer to help others. But change them? I don’t think so. In fact I know I can’t.
And that’s what I have to watch out for. My ego. My wanting to control things. Amazing that that defect still pops up and wants to drag me down. That’s why I had to stop and think about all of this. I need to remember and ask my Higher Power for the help I need. In fact I was thinking about this this morning when I was saying the Third Step prayer. And even with that on my mind, there comes this fault up and wants to take over.
So I’ve stopped and need to express my gratitude for what this program, my Higher Power, and my friends and associates in this program have done to continue to remind and teach me what I need to learn and remember. Like a friend of mine always says, to get out of the driver’s seat and go to the back of the bus and sit down. Hopefully I’m doing that.