One of the most difficult things I’ve found I have to do and not get bent out of shape and let my emotions, my ego, take over is to proceed to take the next step in front of me without slipping back into a negative attitude. I have found I can definitely do this if I turn things over to my Higher Power. Once again I have to learn to say that Serenity Prayer and understand it. The things I cannot change, but the God of my understanding can. He can change me and in the process give me serenity.
I was thinking about this today, when I found I was for the most part not in charge of what I had to do this day. I had to adopt a positive attitude and go ahead with what it was I needed to do. I have learned from my past experiences in here that I have to stop thinking and proceed in whatever the day holds for me.
I know I can do this if I begin my day by turning it over to my Higher Power and think about staying sober one more day. To learn to take a deep breath and begin my day with a cheerful smile. To accept, as the prayer says, what I cannot change.
I learned this from the example of my longtime old sponsor. He always had this way of doing things I knew I had to begin to follow. I could see and hear that this was a man dedicated to living this program. The only time he ever spoke about anything spiritual was on two occasions. The first was his insistence that I read the Fourth Chapter, which led me to begin to live this spiritual way of life through surrendering and accepting my Higher Power and putting this program into action. The second was when he told me one morning about his practice of prayer and meditation he did. However I never had any doubt about his living a spiritual life. He was always a great example for me to help me to learn how to live the way he did.
I also was witness to one example of his, which almost took my breath away. It was when his wife called me and asked me to come over and talk to him. He had found himself committed to trying to help his alcoholic brother, who didn’t want to stop drinking, to get sober and was going to work everyday, coming home and changing his clothes, and going off to another city. I went over just before one of our meetings and simply said to him, “If it was me I know what you’d say to me.” He stopped changing his clothes and turned and said to me, “Okay, let’s go to a meeting.” I had been given a gift of being witness to humility I had never ever anticipated.
I know that I don’t think I have ever accomplished what he had. But I did begin to learn to stop going down the old way of thinking, feeling, and acting. Stuff that I had brought into the program with me. I owe it all to this program and the spiritual way of life I had begun to learn to live in this program. A change in attitude. A new way of thinking and acting. A new outlook on life that I never had before. I even have started to mature.
Having said this I know that I still have faults. For the most part, when I find myself starting to stumble, I know that the spiritual axiom in the Tenth Step is going to hit me right in the face. Makes me grateful, because it begins to deflate my ego. I know this is good for me. I don’t always welcome that, but I need it. I never want to drink again and I need to do the opposite of what I used to do and think.
Of course that’s where prayer and meditation comes in. Trying, sometimes clumsily, to practice this spiritual program each and everyday. I know that I never want to go back to where I came from. That’s where regular attendance at meetings comes in. I need to remember that I cannot stay sober by myself. I need the help of others like myself. I need to be reminded of what it is I have forgotten and then to listen and learn how others put this program into action each day.
Anyway when I went to bed last night and woke up this morning I knew that I had made a commitment I had to follow. I had to pray and make a quick meditation and turn my life and my will over to the God of my understanding. Get a smile on my face and my mind and then to act and share with my family and friends. I need to remember to thank my Higher Power and those who have served as my example and support.