At sometime in the day I try to stop and take a few moments and think about why I am here. And, of course, I’m here to stay sober a day at a time. The most important thought in my mind. I never want to drink alcohol ever again. That’s exactly why I am where I am.
None of what I am thinking is new. It’s been around with others like myself for very many years. I met a lot of them, when I came in. Men, who were in this program early on. They helped me a lot. I didn’t know that at the time, because it was difficult for them to wake me up to the facts of this disease and what it could do to an alcoholic like me.
What was even more difficult for them was to wake me up to what I needed to do, if I truly wanted to stay sober. Fortunately for me I had been gifted with freedom from alcohol itself. A miracle which opened the door to this program for me. And fairly early on I met my old sponsor, after one of those old timers had addressed me in exactly the right way. He yelled at me and told me to shut up! That was the very thing I needed. I almost knew that at the moment he said it. Don’t ask me how, but I just did.
Not long after that my old sponsor told me the truth I needed to hear. He said that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. That was exactly what I needed to hear. The truth. I didn’t know that until it happened. I had come in here totally unmanageable. Immature for sure. Insane from all that alcohol and the way I had been living. And, for one thing, I was paranoid. I was hidden deep within myself, fearful of those around me. And yet I listened.
Slowly my mind opened little by little. I began to hear what I needed to and I began to try to do what I was told. Slowly at first, because they were talking about things I had tried to avoid. Especially the beginning of learning to live a spiritual way of life.
At today’s meeting we were talking about part of that. The Third Step. There was a fairly new person there, who had stated that he wasn’t really talking to anyone and hadn’t a sponsor. I felt he had to be uncomfortable listening to what was being said in there. I knew I was way back then and I hoped that he would talk to someone right after the meeting…which he did.
Anyway we all shared our experiences in how we came to put that Third Step into action. Not an easy feat for anyone of us. We all needed help and some of us, like myself, are still growing into this Step a day at a time.
Anyway I had to once again stop and think about why I am here and some of the stuff which has played a part in my staying sober. Of course the spiritual life is a major factor in all of this. Without it I believe I would have failed along the way. My Higher Power, the God of my understanding, has made all of this possible. I am very grateful, to not only my Higher Power, but all those old timers, my old sponsor, and my dear friends, and all those who have helped me along the way.
Just thinking.