In the Doctor’s Opinion there are a couple of statements which were so important to me and my sobriety. The first was in the description of the alcoholic, which told me that my problems had mounted up on me and had become unsolvable. But it was the one which told me that I had lost the ability to distinguish between the true and the false which held so much importance. This is what I brought to the program.
I was lying to myself and didn’t even know it. No wonder AA insists on rigorous honesty. For instance, I had believed that those who were my friends and family were out to get me, and I believed those who were out to get me were my friends. These were some of the problems which were in my pile I couldn’t figure how to solve.
What happened when I came here was that I got a sponsor, who wouldn’t buy into my lies and helped me to become responsible. He taught me that I had to grow up. When I would try to get him to believe I was helpless and hopeless and wanted him to do this program for me, he would kick the props out from under me. He told me that I was out of excuses and that I had to get rid of all my old ideas. All of them. He often would end up laughing at most of them. Over time he even got me to laugh at myself.
One of the most important things he did was get me to stay in the present. He taught me the futility of spending any time in the future. All it could do for me was build fear within me and make me more than a little crazy. He also directed me away from going back into the past and morbidly wandering around in it to build guilt and remorse within me. He showed me that there was no way I could improve on the past. It was over and done with. Today was all that was important. Right now. But, because I carried the problem of not being able to distinguish the true from the false, I would occassionally wander back and forth. I was to learn to go to him and ask for help with this.
What he really did was to urge me to read and study the BB. From that I found my way into the application of the Steps to my life. That’s how I came to believe in a power greater than myself, the God of my understanding, the promises of the program, and a spiritual transformation, which changed my attitude and outlook on life. A life filled with gratitude for all that has been given to me. Especially the freedom from alcohol, which is why I came here.
Anyway, I was thinking about this after conversations with a couple of friends today.