My sponsor would always tell me what was wrong with the alcoholic. He said we were immature, insecure, and oversensitive. That pretty much described me.
That kept going through my mind, when I was at the meeting today. The subject was guilt for past actions and raising children with that guilt. The woman wanted advice.
As demonstration that this was the wrong place to give and receive advice from us, people tried to do just that. They gave advice.
Thankfully, there were those, who knew better. They talked about why they came into these rooms. It was to stop drinking. They talked about how AA changed them through working these steps. They said the only advice that worked for them was from their sponsors, who showed them how this program works. Mainly by working these Twelve Steps into their lives. The result was that their relations with their families changed for the better. Good advice.
Anyway I sat and thought about what was being said and meditated on what I had learned in here. I know that what was being said by those, who refused to be dragged into giving advice on dealing with the rearing of children, was appropriate. I also know that the proper source of seeking such advice is not a meeting, but with our sponsors or people, who are qualified to do so, like psychologists, social workers, and a host of others outside of these rooms.
I was also reminded that all my problems can be solved with the application of spiritual principles to them. I’m pretty sure that kind of reference was not what this person wanted to hear. Nevertheless I know from experience it is true. Like one man said, when he came in he had all the emotional maturity of a twelve year old. He said it took time and the application of these principles to mature and eventually change himself, not others, to reach a point, where his children could in good faith come to him with what bothered them. Again, my experience.
By the way, the only advice my sponsor or those old timers gave me was to read the BB, to go to meetings, work the Steps, and, most important, not to take a drink. Oh, yeah, to listen to what I needed to hear. Not what I wanted to hear.
I was glad that I had the opportunity to be reminded what works and what doesn’t. Happy that I’m sober today and grateful for what I have been given by this program.