Hardly a day goes by that I don’t stop and pause and think about my alcoholism. Might seem obsessive, but I don’t think so. The reason is that I have had the privilege of being freed from the obsession of alcohol. By the grace of the God of my understanding and the Twelve Steps of AA, I have been restored to sanity. Placed in a position of neutrality. I rarely think about a drink, unless I’m at a meeting, or reading AA literature, or doing what I’m doing now.
Sitting in a meeting today, where a woman was coming back, I was once again reminded that alcoholism, the disease, is still deep down within me. I haven’t been cured. I never will be. The possibility that one day I might drink again is still there.
Contemplation on this disease factor within is part of my taking responsibility for my staying sober. I know full well that I’m dependent on my higher power to relieve me of this disease and arrest it. Diseases cannot be cured. They’re always with us from the beginning. Depending on the disease, the possibility of them being neutralized is always there. But a cure is not.
What that woman did was to remind everyone of us in attendance that once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. The question is always the same. What am I willing to do not to fall back into active alcoholism? I believe my answer is almost anything it takes.
The truth is that it really takes very little. Applying the spiritual principles to my life on a daily basis is about it. That means to me to be willing to work whatever Steps necessary on a daily basis. To be eternally vigilant. That doesn’t mean I have to walk around frightened that I might pick up a drink. All I have to do is to have faith in the program and my higher power and to take action. To pray and be grateful for what I have been given. And to be willing to offer others the solution I have found, when I’m called upon to do so.
Just thinking on what I should be focused on every day: My primary purpose.