Speaking of relationships, as I did last night, I was reminded of why I am here. I know I didn’t come to this program to be a saint or a little goody two shoes. I came because I had gone insane from drinking alcohol and suicidal. I desperately needed to stop and this program gave me the solution.
I’ve been thinking about the Ninth Step lately, where we go to others and make amends for our past wrongs. And there it is, amends. The word amend means to change for the better. And that is exactly what sobriety is all about to me. To change for the better.
There is no other place I can practice the change for the better in my life than in my relationships with others. Just looking back at the carnage my alcoholism played in the lives of those in my past, any improvement, even the slightest would be a miracle in the eyes of those I knew.
Through my time in this program, I have tried, for the most part, to improve my relations with those around me. Haven’t always succeeded, but nevertheless made an attempt. I have come to recognize the words of the the last phrase in the Twelfth Step; to try to practice these principles in all of my affairs. To amend my life.
Amending my life is part and parcel of that spiritual way of life I was told I would have to live, if I wanted to stay sober. I sure got a lot of examples of how that works from my sponsor and those old timers I once knew. All I had to do was look around and see how they treated others with whom they came into contact and then follow their lead.
Amazing what I learned from others just by opening my eyes and watching how they practiced this program in their lives. It also took an awful lot of effort to open that closed mind of mine, in order to hear and see what I needed to do to stay sober.
That practice of making amends and amending my life did not come easy at first. A lot of it came from humiliations I suffered at the beginning. But those experiences led me to a little humility. Not a lot, but some. It taught me that I never wanted to do the same thing again, whatever it was. I had to change.
Hopefully for the better.