One of the things we all run across in life is loss and grief. A friend of mine reminded me of that today. The question to me is how do I, as an alcoholic, handle these situations?
I guess that there are no easy answers. I only know from my own experiences, how it was for me. I literally lost almost all of my immediate family in sobriety. My parents and my two brothers.
Of course, right up front are two of the principles we have to learn in the program; surrender and acceptance. But because of feelings and emotions, which come at these times, these two are easy to overlook. I have to look back to thank my sponsor, who had guided me in my dealings with my emotions and feelings. I was told to use my head in all emotional situations. Not to be cold hearted, but to maintain balance.
The program doesn’t stop, just because of what is occurring. However it is there to help me to be able to stand upright with both feet on the ground.
This was reinforced for me by so many members of the program, who stepped forward and supported me through all of this. In fact, they truly were my higher power in those times. They not only came over and helped me to talk about what was going on, but took me to meetings. Some even stayed with my mother and brother, while I was attending meetings.
I remember one particular moment, when I felt totally exhausted and felt that I would pass on going back to the hospital, where my brother was. I had been there all morning. The phone rang and a gruff old timer, whom I knew in passing, was on the other end of the line. He talked to me for about half an hour. After that talk I suddenly had the energy to go back to the hospital. I was so grateful to that man and what he did for me, because it was that afternoon that my younger brother passed away and I was able to be there for him.
I have never forgotten all those who supported me in these times of crises. How could I?
There was another thing my sponsor told me that helped. He told me that when I felt lost in this program that I was to go back and review the first three Steps. He said that once I had reviewed and renewed them in my mind that I would have solid ground, a rock he said, to stand on. Firm footing on which to go forward. And it’s true.
Never once through all of these emotional trials did I think about a drink. If anything, I felt protected. I knew I had a program and had not only the support of others, but of the God of my understanding.
Once again I am reminded of the results of a spiritual awakening. I had changed. I’m not the man I was, when I came in.
I was thinking about this, not in sadness, but in gratitude for all this program has given to me.