Consolation not desolation. That’s been my experience and that of others I know in this program. In fact I was talking to one of them today. Her experience is the same as mine.
Ever since I began to get a handle on solution to my alcoholism, I began the change in me. I don’t mean that I did, but the program did. That and my higher power along with the sober members of AA. I went from what Bill W. called “terrifying loneliness” to something else. I no longer needed to be constantly in the company of others. I could be alone without feeling lonely. I could live with myself at last.
Like my friend and I shared today, it’s good to be able to go to meetings and mix and mingle with our friends in the program. But then it’s also nice to go and be by ourselves in solitude. That mixture seems to help us live the life we’re supposed to live. The door is always open to help others and be helped by others.
I think I’ve learned in here what the word consolation means. The feeling of being comforted. I feel comfortable in most situations, even in solitude. Even when I have been asked to speak in public, what used to make me uncomfortable is no longer present. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have anxiety, I do. But now I know that anxiety is a tool for me to use in making presentations to others. If I didn’t have it present in me, I think I would put others asleep.
The desolation I suffered from in my alcoholic drinking has gone away. Instead of the solitude combined with the friends and support I experience today, there was back then isolation. Isolation in the company of hundreds. Fear and isolation. What a deadly combination.
When I hear others in this program proclaim that sobriety is the best thing that ever happened to them, I and the people I know understand full well. I remember my sponsor telling me one day that when I got comfortable with myself, I would no longer need alcohol or even want it. The consolation I have been given is just that state. And I am so grateful for what I have been given.