Funny how sometimes I can find myself off message. I had talked to a “young” man before the meeting. I kind of sponsor him. He’s a chronic “slippee”. We talked about how his excuses for drinking had nothing to do with his drinking alcohol. That his drinking is independent of everything and the cause is because he has a disease just like the rest of us. That the only recourse any of us, who are sober, had came from finding a higher power in this program and working the Steps to find a spiritual awakening.
And then we went into the meeting and what were they talking about? The first phrase in the Twelfth Step; having had a spiritual awakening… The man, who brought this up, asked that we talk about instances of this spiritual awakening. That’s where I felt I got off track.
When it came to my turn to speak, I began with my bottom and my first spiritual awakening, which I became aware of years after I had come into the program. That was the result of my plea to God to stop me from drinking and living the life I had been living. The result came the next day. I awoke and the mental obsession for alcohol, the compulsion, the craving, the slightest thought of a drink was gone. And the truth is that it never has returned.
I had no idea at the time of the significance of what had happened to me. I know the same thing had occurred with others in this program, but classifying it as a spiritual awakening? That only came later, when someone pointed it out to me. I know that the awakenings I’ve had as a result of working these Steps have been somewhat clearer, as I have moved along.
Where I found myself off track was, when I was describing an incident after two years in the program. I had been on a dry drunk at that point and the pain of that experience drove me to my knees. I asked my higher power for help and something happened. That’s exactly where I stopped in my talk. I suddenly realized that I had gotten off message. I just left it there and thanked the group for the opportunity to talk.
I know I felt embarrassed. I didn’t think it was appropriate. I had just talked to that man earlier about seeking the solution to his drinking problem and the man, who had brought up the subject, was really talking about that. The incident I thought about may or may not have had anything to do with it.
The remainder of the meeting I tried to get my attention back to where it belonged. Sometimes this crazy mind of mine can go off into tangents. It often wants to wander around. I took a deep breath and got back in tune with the meeting and the subject. It’s about sobriety. It’s about the solution. The solution so many of us have found in this program.
When I got back I sat down and thought about this and my gratitude for having found the solution. A reminder to me to stay on track.