Probably one of the things I often have to think about are the people who call me and want to talk about their problems. Sometimes it’s not a phone call. But a lot of them are.
It’s basically about staying sober. Often it appears as problems. But experience has shown me that’s not always true. Over the years I have come to believe that behind every problem is a drink. Not that the person thinks that way, but that’s the point isn’t it? Of course no one wants to believe that.
The truth is that we are still alcoholics. Whether we think of a drink or not, unconsciously, deep down, the drink is still there. Alcoholism still wants to get us to the next drink. Even though we may not be aware of it.
In our drinking, we thrived on problems and the chaos they created in our lives. With a drink inside of us, we either sank to the pits of despair and self pity at what we were facing, or the drink would open the door to our trying to conquer the problem with super inflated egos. But always with a drink.
What’s changed? In my case, I know how often I stumbled over the problem in front of me. Either fear, anxiety, endless projections, expectations, all these emotions dominated me. And then there were times, when anger, stubbornness, with gritted teeth, I would refuse to be backed off by the problem.
But talking with others revealed an awful lot of the truth about my problems. Lacking balance, my emotions would complicate every problem that came into my life. They always appeared so overwhelming that it’s a wonder that I didn’t drink. But listening to my sponsor and those old timers, I began to perceive that I was still approaching my problems the same way, as when I was drinking.
That’s when I began to see what was behind all my problems and my need to change my mind and my attitude. It meant that I had to recognize just what the word “powerless” meant. Not only over alcohol, but over the unmanageable life I brought in with me. It made the Second Step all that more important.
Moreover, it made me believe what I heard from an alcoholic woman speaker. She said that her sponsor had taught her that there are “layers” in every Step we take. Every time we apply one of these Steps to our lives, we are able to come to know more of the depth of each step. It’s kind of like reading something in the BB or something we seem to hear for the first time, even though we’ve been through the BB many times, or come to realize that we’ve heard whatever it was before. How many times I’ve seen those words scribbled down in a BB: This wasn’t here the last time I read this.
We hear or read things and recognize them only when we’re ready. And it’s our change in attitude, which makes this available to us.
Anyway, after conversing with others this week, I was reminded of all of this. Makes me grateful that anyone would even think of talking to me, because it reminds me of sobriety and my need to stay sober and how I’ve come to learn what I had to learn to do it.