How many times I’ve said to myself, “That’s unacceptable!”. And yet at the end of the day I found I once again had to surrender and accept something I didn’t want to.
Talk about ego. Self centeredness. Forgetting the words of the Serenity Prayer. What I can change and what I can’t. And what only God can change. Or better yet, relieve me of the bondage of self.
Seems that after all this time I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Always wanting things my way. Like my old sponsor would say to me, “I want what I want, when I want it.”
And then he said, “You’re going to get what you get, when you get it… If you get it.”
I was thinking of this today, about my tendency to self will run riot. My resistance to surrender and accepting what’s in front of me. My unwillingness to let go of my way of thinking. A character defect, which comes from my pride and arrogance.
Once again I was reminded of what a friend of mine always says to me. I don’t have to like it, I only have to accept it.
If I’m to stay sober and on the right track, I have to work on this problem I have with acceptance. Like the woman in the BB said, when I’m not willing, I have to learn to pray for the willingness to be willing. She said when she did, it always came. She’s right, I know that. I’ve experienced that in my life. I just have to remember that I said I would go to any lengths to get sober. So with acceptance.