Haven’t run into anyone so far, who likes pain. And, I guess, one of the reasons I drank was to avoid pain. I don’t actually remember doing that, since my drinking, as far as I knew, was because I was compelled to drink. I just drank.
But, as I learned in here, pain is inevitable, but suffering is not. It’s optional. But pain will always be present and available. Not something I can avoid. Whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, or even spiritual. It’s there.
Pure gold comes from gold itself being put through the fire. So it is with my life and with my character. I have no doubt about that. I can take a pill and avoid or lessen the pain, or I can choose to go through it. There’s always something I can learn. Some part of me that I have to drop and leave, if I am to grow along spiritual lines.
I was thinking about this yesterday, when I was suddenly awakened about 5 am, as a result of an awful neck pain, which has become increasingly aggravating. I had to laugh, even though it was near intolerable. I thought maybe it was just me trying to tell myself what a pain in the neck I can be to others. Who knows?
At least pain gets my attention. Probably the worst form is emotional pain. That’s a threat to sobriety, if there ever was. Over the years, in practicing these principles, that has become less a threat. Must be that I’ve dropped a lot of stuff, which would ordinarily introduce such pain into my life.
Some of the source of pain in my life was certainly brought on by the changes I found I had to make in order to stay sober. Some of my habits of thinking and acting had to be forcibly ripped out of me. I had to consciously go and look at myself, the way I was. And then I had to get rid of some of this. Not an overnight thing, but a gradual dropping of these habits or thinking errors. Additionally it wasn’t easy to replace them with good things, which I had either lost along the way or never had in the first place. Not always a comfortable process. At least for this alcoholic.
And yes I did option to suffer at times. To go to my sponsor or someone else and whine. resisting change by employing “yes, but”. Moaning and groaning and prolonging the necessary changes.
But the bottom line of all of this is staying sober. The pain, and sometimes the suffering, I didn’t always recognize as for my own good. To grow along spiritual lines took time to come into my consciousness. I’ve always been a slow learner. One of my failings. But, eventually I have come to see this as being part of my growing up. Growing pains, so to speak. Something I still have a tendency to resist. Not wanting to totally get rid of all my character defects.
However, when I remember to welcome my higher power into awareness, when I remember to be grateful for all I have been given, when I realize that this program and sobriety is the best thing which has ever happened in my life, then the idea that pain is just part of the growing process lessens its impact on my life. and It becomes tolerable and okay. It’s just that I have to remember to go to meetings and listen to the messages, which raises my awareness of who I am and why I am here and what is going on.
Once again, thinking about sobriety and staying sober one more day.