What could be more apt at a meeting than talking about what got us sober and keeps us sober? And it all begins with those first three Steps. Surrender and acceptance, coming to believe, and turning our lives and wills over to the care of a God of our understanding, or misunderstanding.
For me this all started with reading the 4th Chapter in the BB. That got my attention. It described my powerlessness so clearly that I knew I needed a lot of help. And that came, when I read that I had to make a choice. Either God was or he wasn’t. Hmm. Decision time. Yes or No. And then when I made that decision, I discovered that He was either everything or nothing. Oops. Another decision.
And then came that 5th Chapter. Now I was being asked to turn my life and will over to this God. And being the know-it-all nut that I was, I missed the word “care”. That led to all kinds of arguments and analysis within me. What would this God do to me, if I did this. Believe it or not (remember I was fairly new and still was rattled in my head from all that alcohol) I actually thought He might send me to Calcutta to work with Mother Theresa. I almost got a metaphysical hernia trying to get myself through this.
And that’s when I finally heard the word “care”. What did that mean? And then I learned from listening to someone else that God’s will for me was the other 9 Steps. Now that made sense. And I was launched into the rest of the Steps.
I was laughing, as I wrote all of this, thinking of how far these Steps have brought me. What struck me funny is what one man said. He said he learned to become an actor rather than a re-actor. I would have agreed with him in part, because I sometimes find myself in the role of the re-actor. Something which raises up my ugly character defects and gets me into trouble. The reason I laughed was that it’s just about the time I think I’m doing well, that up comes a reaction. Usually due to my thinking and my emotions. Or my emotions doing my thinking for me.
However, it’s when this kind of stuff happens that my sponsor told me to go back to the basics, 1, 2, and 3 and review them, so that I can have a firm foundation on which to stand. Good advice anyway. To take a look at where I came from and remember what it was that got me started on this pathway to sobriety. Moments of gratitude as well as a reminder. Proof to me that I’m sober in spite of myself.
Anyway, it’s good sometimes for me to think about all of this process, which has helped me along the way. But not to forget all these sober people, who have helped me to grasp what I might have missed. The support I have been given and to give thanks to my higher power for the grace I have received from Him.