One of my problems with my problems is that I’m too close to them. I’m too involved with me.
Problems need solutions. And I’m so involved that all I can think about is the problem. I don’t have time for the solution. I’m too busy as it is.
One man said today that the three words, which are a curse to alcoholics, are: I was thinking. Thinking about what? Probably the fact that I have a problem. I don’t have time to look at something so obvious as the spiritual axiom. Whenever I’m disturbed there is something wrong with me. There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s my problem that I need to think about.
We were talking today about letting go and letting God. What a novel idea!
But how difficult that is if all I have in my head are my problems. Again, as my sponsor always said, a problem shared is a problem cut in half. And when I do that, I can step back and breathe again. I need to talk to a sponsor and get some direction. If I try to direct myself, I often end back in the problem and find that one problem has become two or three. They tend to multiply.
So often I end back at Step Two. The spiritual solution. Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. And that’s exactly what I need at times like this. Sanity. I can not be drinking, but still insane. The bottom line is that this is all about sobriety. Staying sober. But in order to stay sober, I have to take care of business. But I can never forget what my primary purpose is, or else I could end up back in a bar.
Somehow I have to get honest with myself. Asking my higher power for help and then talking to a sponsor or a sober alcoholic and telling them what is going on with me. The next step is to listen to the feedback I get. After all, most alcoholics know all about this stuff. Doesn’t matter what the problem is. A problem is a problem and the solution is always the solution. And in my experience it’s always going to be spiritual.
I need to get out of my own way. My thinking will always complicate everything. What might start out simple ends up complicated beyond belief. That can lead to self pity, anger, resentments, fear, and despair. Telling myself nothing works, not even the program. How insane is that?
Getting past these things is like coming in for the first time. I have to be told to stop thinking, don’t take a drink, go to meetings, and listen. I have to do what I did in the beginning. Read and study the BB and put in to action the necessary Steps. By doing this, guess what? The solution comes. Maybe not the solution I want, but like the woman in Freedom From Bondage said, I don’t always get what I want in this program, but I do get what I need. And when I get what I need, I find that it’s what I wanted all along. Amen to that.