Had to laugh today at a memory, which came to mind this morning. I was thinking about what some have said is the best thing that ever happened to them. They were talking about their coming to the program and getting sober. I can only agree with that thought. This is for me one of the great things in my life. Imagine being sober and not having to drink alcohol ever again. At least that’s my hope.
But what came up was something someone said to me, when I was about two years sober in the program. A very dignified and gracious older woman said to me that she remembered me when I had first arrived in this program. She told me that I was the sickest drunk she had ever seen. So sick, she said, that I made her sick and convinced her she never wanted to drink again.
Well, at least I served a good purpose, even in the beginning. An example of what not to be. Can’t beat that. And, oh, when she addressed me she wanted to tell me how good I looked at that point in sobriety.
And that reminded me of the 3rd Step prayer. Where we ask to have our difficulties removed, that victory over them will bear witness to others of the changes, which have taken place in us. I’m to be an example to others of God’s power, love, and way of life. An example of what a sober person can be like.The change in personality and way of life I’m living today.
My sponsor often said to me that I was to be a copy of the BB. He said I might be the only copy someone would have a chance to read.
I don’t consciously think of how I might appear to others. But now that I am, I wonder. How do I act? How do I sound? I really don’t know. And, I’m not about to ask. But I do know that it’s up to me to try to practice these principles in all of my affairs. And my 10th Step is a quick check to look at my actions during the day. Going by that, I know I have my ups and downs like many of us do on any given day.
It’s not what I say, I know that. It’s what I do. I can only hope that what I’m doing in this program can help someone else. But I’m really not going to sit around and worry about this. I can only be me, as the result of having practiced these 12 Steps and hopefully trying to continue to do so on a daily basis.
I know one thing for certain that I’m not much different than those I know in this program.
I think back to the example of those old timers I knew. They were men and women, who had an air of confidence and evidenced a certain peace and serenity. They definitely had a sense of humor. I remember one, who often said, you wouldn’t know how crazy he was, as long as he didn’t take a drink. But they had a deep sense of seriousness, when it came to following this program and their sobriety. I knew back then that I wanted what they had. I can only hope that I have at least a modicum of what I saw in them.