What is it about patience or the lack of it, which proves to be trouble for so many? I know it has always been an irritant for this alcoholic.
I want what I want, when I want it! And what did my sponsor say to this? You’ll get what you get, when you get it! If I get it at all. Or, as one old timer used to say, I prayed for patience and God gave me long lines.
My sponsor sure insisted I learn to practice patience. And to some extent I was able to avoid the trouble I usually could cause as the result of losing patience. In fact, I have been fairly successful over the years…until today.
I started today with a commitment to keep my thoughts to myself. And I did for most of the day. That was until I was waiting to cash some items out in the store. Needless to say, the electronic equipment at the cashier’s counter kept failing. It was impatience and not getting what I wanted at the moment I wanted it that I blew my top at the poor cashier and stormed off. However, fifteen minutes later I went back and apologized. I realized it was not the man’s fault. Tenth Step.
I could come up with a half dozen reasons I became so impatient and over irritated. Some very valid. But what happened to my commitment to keep my mouth shut? That went out the window, when I found out I wasn’t getting what I wanted. What I needed was an intervention. Someone to step in and tell me to shut up. I never even thought about asking for help from my higher power or anyone else.
But one good thing came out of all of this. It was a wake up call. A call to pay attention, to be vigilant, as the BB tells us. And it did something I always need.It cut me down to size and brought a minimum of humility into my life. After all, it was humiliating in the long run. I mean, there I was out in public and making a jerk out of myself. Come to think about it, I’m always capable of that.
Anyway, when I talked to a friend about the incident, I was reminded of my primary purpose. To stay sober and to live and act in a sober manner. For that I’m truly grateful. Time to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on moving forward.