My take on it is that alcoholics live in a world of control and try to control the world. It’s true in my case and a number of sober alcoholics I’ve talked with about this. Even Bill W. talks about this in the BB, when he talks about the man, who is the producer and director, for whom no one acts the way he wants them to act.
No wonder so many of us owe amends to those we reacted badly to, when we were drinking. People, who knew exactly how to control and manipulate us into getting their way. I and another man were laughing about this today. Over time we came to understand and do something about these people, whose lives we went through like a tornado. People to whom we later had to make amends. The amends in the 9th Step, which transformed our lives.
Yes, we were talking about the 9th Step and how it brought about the spiritual awakening in our lives. I can never forget how that happened in the process. What a powerful moment that was. The restoration to sanity, as a result of my stopping fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol.
Sound confusing? One minute I’m talking about those, who wanted to control us and get their way, and the next I’m talking about the 9th Step. Well, the reason these people tried to control and manipulate us, was because they had to, Our alcoholic behavior was such that the only way they could get something from us that they needed was by using some control they learned would get us to react and give them what they needed. Most of them tried reason and that had failed. You can’t reason with a drunk. Just doesn’t work. So, our response at times was anger. Thus the need for amends.
That was the example some of my friends in here talk about. Most of us had friends or partners in our lives, who were dependent on us for something. We being irresponsible drunks were completely oblivious to their needs. So, being the good dependents they were, they had to learn to do something to get us to give them what they needed. But, when we discovered this kind of “control” or “manipulation”, we became outraged. How dare they? Just because they needed rent money or food on the table was no reason to get us to act the way they wanted. After all we needed money and work to keep us in booze.
It could be for any reason. Maybe they needed love and affection. Of course they did. But alcohol was running our lives and took us down paths, which ignored the needs of others. Yet it was me, who acted the way I did. Not someone else. I can point to alcohol as the culprit, but still it was me, who needs to take the responsibility for my actions.
In a way, it should have taught me a lesson I needed to learn. I mean, how can I go around complaining about others, who exercise, or try, to control others? My 4th and 8th Steps should have told me that. But, how dumb can someone like me be? When I often find myself subtly trying to run the operations of other peoples lives. Just the 9th Step alone should have awakened me to that fact.
Why was I thinking about all of this? Like I said, it has come up with others from time to time, and today at lunch we got around to talking about this. Part was an examination of our loved ones and their actions and response to our alcoholism.
But the examination of the process of the 9th Step and its affects on our lives was a big part. We went through a number of amends and the results. How these changed us was clear. No wonder the statements on the spiritual life are in that Step in the BB. I would have to guess that anyone, seeking sobriety and going to any lengths to achieve that goal, would have some of the same experiences I did. And then to read that spiritual life is not a theory. It has to be lived. That’s a little overwhelming to come to understand that’s exactly where I’m at, when I’m working this Step.
How deeply profound this program really is. Each and every Step takes us deeper and deeper into the life in the spirit, as we progress through them. At times I have this feeling of the word “breathtaking”. And a lot of gratitude that I’m here. Hard to believe at times.
And yet, when I look back on what I’ve written, I realize just how imperfect I have been in doing these Steps. And yet here I am getting all these benefits and still sober. Sober in spite of myself. Yes, I am grateful to my higher power and certainly to all the men an women in this program, who helped and gave the directions, which were necessary to get me to this point in my life. Just looking back at what I just wrote tells me how grateful I have to be to have come in and done what needed to be done. Alone I would never have conceived of any of this. But I wasn’t alone.