Was made to think of a number of things today. The meeting and somethings else made me think of the same thing again and again. One was surrender, the other was the Eleventh Step. That’s enough for me.
The surrender came from a few things people said, which reminded me of my own experiences in here. Had I failed to surrender I probably would have been dead a long time ago. Fortunately, as Bill W. talks about in the First Step in the 12&12, I had hit bottom and was in such pain that I was willing to listen as only the dying can. I was willing to do anything at that moment not to drink again.
Did that mean that I was cured? No way! I would go through stages of rebellion and surrender again and again. Surrender and acceptance. This process led me through the Twelve Steps. It brought about a spiritual awakening and the promises. A new freedom and a new happiness and so much more. Peace and serenity. A change I desperately needed. I learned that by myself I was powerless and I needed guidance and a Power Greater than myself to help me grow along spiritual lines. To open the door to hope and faith and healing.
And that led to what one “new” person brought up, prayer and meditation. Kind of questioning things because of what they “learned” in rehab. I thought it’s okay to pray and ask for help and give thanks each day, but arriving at seeking a conscious contact with God as we understand Him and seeking knowledge of His will for us. That is the result of working these Steps before it. Not an overnight experience for myself or anyone else like myself.
And one thing which came to mind for both of these topics was how I once thought back then. That I knew everything. I was smarter and more intelligent than anyone in these rooms. I didn’t need to be told. I already knew. And that went on until I learned from my sponsor that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. And I learned how true that was and how that shot my big ego down big time. Gave me an opening to a little humility which I desperately needed.
One of the things in the Eleventh Step, which came up, was that I could meditate in the meeting. I knew that, but had forgotten it until someone mentioned it. And that’s exactly what I did. I remembered one old timer years ago saying that’s exactly what he did. Grateful for the opportunity.
Just some thoughts I had today about sobriety.