One of the subjects, which seems to be the one attracting the most attention from time to time, is resentments. Obviously it’s what seems to occupy a lot of alcoholics. I know I was like that for a long time, when I came to this program.
The danger resentments present to alcoholics is not only a drink, but death itself. I know from what happened to my first sponsor and a lot of others I’ve witnessed through the years. It got my attention. I knew that I had to do something about my resentments or end up the same way. Drunk and dead. I was almost there, when I finally got sober and never want to go there again.
Someone pointed out today that, when we have a resentment, the person we resent owns us. They’re on our mind all the time, while they’re not even bothered with us. It’s our problem not theirs. Like the book points out, resentments cut us off from the sunlight of the spirit, the insanity returns, and we drink again. That’s in the BB. And it also points out that for us to drink is to die.
So, what’s the answer for people like us? Just like all the solutions in here. It’s spiritual. For me it meant going back and looking for the solution in these Steps. It began with the First that the realization that I’m powerless over alcohol and cannot afford another drink. I need to remember that and reinforce it by surrendering to that and accepting it as the truth. I have a disease for which there is no cure and I have to find an answer for whatever is a danger to me. And that’s a resentment.
The next was that Second Step and once again surrendering to a Power greater than myself. I needed to put my hope in my Higher Power that He could do for me what I couldn’t do for myself. Being an alcoholic, self centered to the extreme, I knew that I could be trapped into self pity, which is what resentments basically do to me. Honesty brings that to light, if I will accept the truth. And that’s what I need to deal with.
There’s a story in the BB called Freedom From Bondage. It’s a woman’s story of how she hated her mother and how she found the solution in here. I know I went to it and read it and eventually doing what it said at the end I found what she found. The spiritual solution. That and doing the Ninth Step.
I have a friend in here, who had a bitter resentment with two men, which had gotten physical. He didn’t drink, but it was driving him crazy. He went to that chapter in the BB and practiced what was suggested and the result was a miracle. He became friends with these two men. He stayed sober and didn’t drink. Amazing what can happen, if we practice these Steps.
All of this begins, and I’m repeating myself, when I came to this program and surrendered to my being powerless over alcohol and that my life was unmanageable. And then surrendered and accepted a spiritual way of life. The beginning of change. Getting an open mind and getting honest with myself and others. Listening and learning what I needed to learn in order to change my life. To begin to learn how to live life. Something I didn’t know. And I didn’t even know that until it was pointed out to me. Like I said, what a miracle.
After the meeting was over I had a chance to talk about this with someone and we got laughing, when I revealed to them that even after all these years that little rebel is still down there inside of me. Have to deal with it every day. Grateful for all the help I get from my Higher Power and the people in this program.
Wow, right on time as usual. I have been in the throws of this recently. A couple of years ago I had a powerful experience of how subtle and powerful resentments get the longer you stay sober.
I walked into my Saturday morning meeting and saw the leader. My stomach just turned as I thought, “No! Please God, not this guy!” I considered him such an arrogant arse, but pretty quickly his tone signaled that this morning would be different. I really perked up when he said his emphasis that morning for the 10th step meeting would be on dealing with resentments when you have long term sobriety and how tough that can be.
Of course, my disease’s initial reaction was that I didn’t need to hear it, but the opposite was true. As he spoke a process began inside of me that enabled me to see a resentment that I had been nursing for 5 years, as the leader spoke about one that had slowly sapped his strength, joy and serenity for 10 years. As I listened to him describe his situation and consequences of it with an incredible level of humility and emotion, my 5 year resentment melted away.
Like any burning bush, it was actually the beginning of journey and not the end, but that moment of surrender allowed me to begin the healing process that the resentment had stifled for years.
Thanks, loved reading this.