Need to take the time to think about my staying sober. Not always easy, but I hope I never give up and pass this by. I know it’s a day at a time. I cannot answer for the rest of my life. Just this twenty-four hours.
I know one of the hazards for me is to project beyond the moment I’m in. I can’t do that, but my imagination, my wandering mind, my desires, my junk, can often pull me into that. Again my mind often goes back to that prayer by a very spiritual monk. He says something to the effect that he cannot see the road ahead of him and he has no idea of where it’s taking him and doesn’t know when it will end. Then he goes on to say that he doesn’t know himself and the fact that he thinks he’s doing God’s will does not mean he is actually doing so.
It takes a lot of humility to think that way and include it in ones prayer. I know that I have copied him and said that prayer, but that doesn’t even come close to meaning that I have that humility within me. I never think of myself as someone who is spiritual. Still a human being with my faults. Not as bad as they once were, but still there to stumble over.
And that’s exactly why I need to take the time to think about sobriety. It’s exactly as my sponsor told me. That I definitely am not responsible for my stopping drinking and coming into this program. But now that I’m here I have become responsible for staying sober and putting the spiritual life into action through these Steps and all I have learned and experienced in here.
I know one thing which continues to encourage me to do this is the hope I have come to know and experience. I can always remember that first hope, which led me to say that prayer to the God of my understanding, which stopped me from drinking. Talk about a miracle. That was after that friend of mine, who drank with me, told me about a place where men and women didn’t drink and went to meetings and stayed sober together. That definitely turned a bright light on within me. It got me into these rooms a few days later and began this journey for me.
In these rooms I began to receive more hope from peoples words and examples. In here I also learned what was wrong with me. I had no idea of what an alcoholic was. And in here I learned that I had a disease for which there was no cure, but there was definitely hope that I would never drink again, if I did what everyone else before me did. These Twelve Steps and the rest of this spiritual program.
More than that, I came to have faith in what I was learning. I came to believe that what I had hoped for was possible. I could see that all around me. It was up to me to make up my mind to grab onto what was being offered to me. Difficult as it was, I somehow, despite the fact that I was totally confused and a bit insane from my drinking, held on and stuck with this program.
The thing I was thinking about was how, over time, my life began to change. I can look back and see that I’m definitely not the same person. Not that I’m cured. But I know if I continue to do what I learned I can stay sober. I have had to come to depend on a Power greater than myself. To turn my problems, my life, over to my Higher Power. As a friend of mine often says, I need to get out of the driver’s seat on the bus and go to the back and enjoy the ride.
I also need to remember to give thanks for all I have been given. I know that this begins with the God of my understanding, and then all those who have helped me in this program.
That starts with my sponsor and those old timers and goes right on up until this day. I have learned that I cannot stay sober by myself and I need to go to meetings to me reminded of what I have often forgotten.
Anyway I am grateful and need to remember and think about my sobriety.