When we talk about attending meetings several things come to mind. A couple are really important to me. One of these is listening to others talk about their sober experiences. Kind of stories of their putting this program into action in their lives. A reminder to me of what it is I need to do.
Then there’s just being there and learning that I can’t stay sober by myself. I’ve seen this over and over again since I came in and never want to forget it. I have definitely been helped by my sponsor and the examples of so many over time in here. Of course there are so many bad examples I have witnessed which tells me that I’m in the right place at meetings. Makes me grateful.
However one of the things which came to mind today was my presence. How often I have gone through rough times in this program. Losses in life and economics. I can go back and look at things which probably could have cost me my sobriety. Grief and anger are a couple. Yet I know that something has held me together through all of this and that begins with the spiritual way of life I began to learn in here. That and the relationships and the examples of others.
I know that others have become friends of mine almost from the beginning. They reached out to me and began to support me through all my heaviest stresses. From them I learned how to put this program into action in a number of ways. One of the ones, besides prayer and meditation, was how to put that Tenth Step into my life. When I finally arrived at that Step they showed me how I had to step back and take an inventory of myself and not of anyone else. Before that it was me critically sizing others up with anger and resentments. Dangerous elements for an alcoholic like me.
I remember going to meetings and beginning to learn this stuff from examples I probably wouldn’t have seen or heard unless I had been there. I can always remember one man, who came up to me in a meeting way back. I knew who he was and hadn’t seen him for quite a while. Turned out he wanted to talk to me to tell me his story on what happened to him. He sat me down and began to talk about how he had in his first five years put this program into action working the Steps. Then he told me how in the next five years he developed resentments with others in this program. At the end of that time he stepped out and drank again. He told me that he could look back at those last five years and see where he had picked up the next drink but didn’t swallow it until he walked out the door. A heart attack stopped him and he came back. He just wanted me to know the cost of anger and resentments. He died about a month after that. Never forgot that man and what he gave to me.
I know the benefits I have received in attending meetings. My presence at meetings helped me to get through an awful lot of stuff I might never have gotten through, if I hadn’t been there. I mean I would be going through a lot of rough stuff and walking around like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. All weighed down. I would come in and sit and try to listen. As I did I began to experience a feeling of these weights being lifted from my shoulders. Them beginning to melt away. And by the end of the meetings I could stand up free from what had weighed me down. That is still available to me today, if I can get to a meeting. It has gone on most of the time I have been in here.
On the other hand I have come to meetings with an open mind and a positive attitude and had these reinforced in here by the words and the examples of those in these rooms. And I have seen this happen to others, who have told me of their experiences. A lot of this because it is in here we often get a chance to talk to a new man or woman. Even to be able to sit down and listen to someone we have known over time and possibly help them lift the weight off their shoulders. Or vice versa. Them helping me.
Anyway after the meeting today I had to sit down and think about some I know who have been suffering from stuff that has been bothering them. My hope is that they have been given the grace I have received over time from these meetings. I believe this is the place where I am more open to the strength of my Higher Power in my life. It opens my mind and often my heart. Plus I have the power and strength of all those around me. Just another illustration how much I need the help I can only get in this program to stay sober.