Often I am given the thoughts I need by others, who share themselves with me. Over time I have had my own experiences with most of these and sometimes still do. Lately I have been handed a number of difficulties involving family and others who are involved with the person in that family who is suffering from a lot of directions. None have indicated temptations to take a drink, but certainly have been undergoing pain.
When I hear these things I certainly have to accept that that’s life. That would tell me that I have to continue to face these things over time, except for this program. As a result of these Steps, my old sponsor and a lot of others, but particularly my Higher Power, I have learned to change and handle these things in an entirely different manner. Even though these things aren’t easy, they are not nearly as bad as they were once.
For instance I have in several instances found myself in the middle of anger, resentments, and even hatred, I would guess. None of this actually against me, but those I have loved over the years. I still do. People are so angry they will have nothing to do with those I am close to and vice versa. All I can do is be able to walk between each of them. To learn to keep my mouth shut, be at peace with myself and them, and learn to step away from whatever comments might be made about one another.
I know that each side wanted me to step away from the other and not have anything to do with them. I never have done that. I still relate to both sides, as if nothing was going on. I have no power to fix whatever happened. I can only fix myself and that’s what I try to do. That’s part of what I learned in here. It’s part of staying sober and growing along spiritual lines. Not perfect but do-able.
This is part of what I was thinking about today and about what my sobriety has to do with this kind of stuff. I know that I can only be grateful for what I have been given which would allow me to make the changes I have gone through in here. I know I have to bring the same thing with me wherever I go. Not always perfect in other situations, particularly if they show up unexpected. How often I can forget my supposed spirituality and get caught off guard.
Anyway at the end of the day I knew I had to take the time to sit and think about some of this and my need to stay sober today. All of this is a reminder to me of why I am here and what it is that I need to be doing to grow along spiritual lines and remain faithful to this program. Particularly I need to be grateful for all the help I have received over time and the aid I have been given to change. Thanks to my Higher Power and all these people in here, starting with my old sponsor.
Just thinking about my sobriety one more night.