Someone brought up something I really don’t spend much time on, but was worth the thought. How do I get along with those I have met in this program? Good question, especially if one feels isolated or just alone.
I went back and thought about what it was like when I came into the program. I have no problem thinking about what it was like when I was out there drinking. One illustration is when I had been in the program a few months. I was at work and had to gather material for a trip I had to make to another town. Time was running out and I was down in one of the stock rooms, alone I thought. I said out loud, “No ones around when you need them.” Then the voice of one of my coworkers came from behind me. “Now you know how it feels.” One of my first Ninth Steps.
I had no real friends as a result of what alcohol did to me and those around me. I was not welcome in my neighborhood. I often was not welcome in bars I went to. I had control issues with almost everyone. It didn’t take much to get me angry or me to get others angry. I didn’t realize how huge an ego I had and how I felt I needed to run everything, while often standing off to the side.
So, when I came into the program, I was paranoid. I felt the center of attention. Really? If I saw others standing across the room talking and laughing I felt it was about me. And, again that’s where my sponsor’s remark to me came into play. “You don’t know that you don’t know. You only think you do.” That was the beginning of me having to take down the walls around me and to begin to become open to others. I was going to have to develop being open to those around me. Not to use them, but to learn how to become one with those I was trying to get sober with.
I had no real idea about learning to love and care about others. It wasn’t about me. I had to learn that I wasn’t all that important to others. I learned that I was to myself. I had to learn that, if I wanted to stay sober, I was going to have to somehow put my own sobriety first. But over all I was just another drunk in the program. I was going to have to learn how to become open and caring about others. Not easy for someone like me, who had been overwhelmed with himself.
Learning how to love others was not going to be easy I discovered. It was going to take time I found out. A day at a time. Not an overnight event. I first had to find out how to get along with others. And that all began with the fact that we had a common disease and a basic solution. Plus the fact I was introduced to a Higher Power who could help me grow and stay sober.
All this was initially hindered by the fact I was covered with overwhelming defects, which often pushed others away from me. It all began with me thinking I knew it all and wouldn’t hesitate to tell you, if you asked. If you didn’t I often would let you know anyway. I hadn’t an open mind and definitely not an open heart. And honesty and sharing weren’t in my vocabulary. And that included gratitude.
What began to change all of this was when others reached out to me and began to provide me with what I needed. Friendship and caring. It was the beginning of learning how to love and care for others. Today I can look back and see how many long term friends I have in this program. And I owe it all to my Higher Power, my sponsor, this program, and the people in it.
Does that mean that I’m open and accepting for everyone I have met in here? Certainly not. I know that it’s up to me to be willing to get along with those, who are open to this way of caring and compassion. However I need to remember to use my head and not my emotions. I’m sure there are those who will never want to give of themselves to me. And I know that I’m not always open and attractive to everyone in here. But I don’t have to be aggressive and seeking trouble. Nor put up with those on the other hand who seem to be doing that. I know that I can step aside and let things go past me.
I learned that I can smile and greet others, if I will begin my day with a positive attitude. The other thing I have to remember is not to let my emotions take over my intellect. I need to learn how to turn these emotions over to my Higher Power. I’m not here to take someones inventory. However I’m not a saint. I’m still human and have my faults and defects, which I stumble over from time to time. And that’s where friends and my Higher Power come in and help me to rise up and get out of my own way.
Once again this thought is one of those which remind me of why I am here. To stay sober one day at a time. To turn myself over to my Higher Power and others like myself. To learn to be grateful for all I have been given. To step aside and simply say “Thanks” and try to help others.