Today I had to stop and go back and think about a word that I don’t often spend much time on. Yet I do use it when sharing with others. I don’t know exactly what brought it to mind, although I should have it close to my heart at all times. The word? Freedom.
I mean that’s exactly what this program through my Higher Power has given me. The Promises in the Ninth Step spells it out. A new freedom. How could I ever forget that? And yet from time to time that’s exactly what’s happened.
I had no freedom when I was out there drinking alcohol. Alcohol owned me. I was enslaved by this and couldn’t get away no matter how much I tried. Over and over again I would start to stop and the next thing I knew I was drunk once more. My insides were black. There was no light down there. Total despair. And that’s what drove me to consider suicide. Who would have thought that I’d think that way? And yet there it was. I couldn’t go on. I had to do something which would free me from the bondage of alcohol.
And that’s when a friend of mine I worked with and drank with told me that he knew a place where men and women met and stayed sober together. I knew nothing about alcoholism and I don’t even know if I had ever heard of AA. But when he told me this it turned on a bright light within me. Hope.
That night I really prayed for the first time in almost twenty years. I begged the God as I understood Him to stop me from drinking and living the life I had been living and I promised Him I would do anything he wanted me to do. I fell asleep and the next day I awoke and alcohol was gone. I had no desire, no mental obsession, no craving. I didn’t even think about a drink that day.
Five days later I came to my first meeting. I haven’t drank since. I have experienced that new freedom. A new happiness. This has been a miracle for me. I know exactly what happened when I look back and think about it. I surrendered and accepted what was wrong with me. I realize that I had worked that First Step one hundred percent. As one long time member, who knew my story said, I had a spiritual awakening before I came here. Had no idea what happened back then.
Anyway I look at my life today and am aware of all the freedom I have been given in so many areas of my life. But the greatest is the freedom from the bondage of alcohol. I know I’m not cured. I realize I have an incurable disease. Alcoholism. I will have it until I’m gone. But I know I have been released from the slavery alcohol had kept me in. I never ever want to drink again. I see others do that and it helps me to once again renew that moment of surrender.
Again, along with that surrender in the First Step I have also been given a new freedom through my sponsor introducing me to that Second Step. Coming to believe in my Higher Power, the God of my understanding. It really was my Higher Power who gave me the new freedom I enjoy. Released me from the awful hold alcohol had on me. I am so grateful and I never want to forget any of this. And that’s why I stopped today and had to go back and think about the word “freedom”.
Just another moment to stop and think about my staying sober a day at a time.