One of the things I learned in here from my sponsor and others is how to be quiet. I don’t mean silent. I still talk and share with others at meetings and other places. But what I really mean is to take the time to step aside and be quiet.
Often in these moments it is possible to pause and think about what is important in my life. For instance why I am here. My sobriety is the most important part of my life. Without it I wouldn’t have a life. Years ago I almost lost my life as the result of my drinking. I never want to forget that. The miracle is that I am still here. That is a gift to me from my Higher Power and this program. Never want to forget that and it’s worth to take the time and the effort to step back and just be quiet and think about this way of life and other things which support it.
What this has done for me over the years is to help teach me how to accomplish some stability which my life lacked when I came into this program. It brings into my way of life a steady path to lead me deeper into this program. I’m not talking about becoming smarter or wiser. Just more able to slow down and take the time I need to live this way of life.
This is what I was able to witness in my sponsor and those old timers I knew back when I came into this program. I couldn’t help but admire their way of life and doing things…or not. It often makes me alert or aware of what is going on in the life around me. Gives me time to assess what it is I am supposed to do at any given time.
Often it is what leads me to prayer and hopefully meditation. Part of the spiritual way of life in this program. Assists me in learning to practice this spiritual way of life each day. It also makes me aware of how much I still have to learn. Alerts me to the fact that there is more to do the longer I stay in this program.
When I am quiet I’m often in a place where I can avoid my stumbling over myself and dragging my faults and defects back into the picture. But it is also a reminder to me that I am human and not a saint. I need to remember to rely on my Higher Power for the strength I need to live this way of life. To give me time to bring hope back into my mind and to renew my faith in the God of my understanding. It also makes me aware of the Twelfth Step and my need to attend meetings and be part of carrying the AA message to the alcoholic who still suffers, be it a new man or someone who has been in recovery a while.
Anyway I had to stop and think about this way of life I have been given as the result of stopping drinking and surrendering to my being powerless over alcohol. I know as a result I have been given a new freedom and a new happiness. I have been restored to sanity and have had a spiritual awakening. All of what was promised to me if I accepted this way of life and would do what others before me had done. I have tried and for the most part, imperfectly of course, have been walking this path laid out for me, for all of us, which keeps me sober a day at a time.
Just needed to be quiet for a while and think about what I am so grateful for. How much I owe my Higher Power and all the people in this program, who have helped me and given me the examples I have needed. Thanks.