Today was interesting for someone in the room, who was truly suffering. This young person has been coming for just a few days, but the fact of what was going on with them is obvious.
And here was the group in this room not really paying attention to the Fifth Tradition or the Twelfth Step. Instead they were kidding around, laughing, and over the edge. Not like it was when I came in. We were told that there are twenty-four hours in a day and one of those hours was given over to a meeting of AA. It’s about how important it is for people like us to stay sober. That the result of going back out and drinking again can well result in death. And alcohol and death are hardly amusing. The disease of alcoholism is serious business. Like the First Step in the 12&12 points out to us that we have to learn to listen as only the dying can listen.
I couldn’t help myself, well that’s not true, but when it came my turn, I brought the fact that there are twenty-four hours in a day and one hour spent on the serious business of staying sober and helping another alcoholic, who is suffering, to get sober is a very small sacrifice. There are still twenty-three hours to delve into foolishness, if we choose to go there. But right now we’re here to carry the message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
I told them how foolish I was, when I first came to this program. I never wanted to drink again, but I didn’t want to listen to others, because I thought I knew what I was doing. That was when I was told to shut up, because I knew how to drink, but that I had no idea how to stay sober. I was told I needed to take the cotton out of my ears and stick it in my mouth and learn to listen. Then, not long after that, my first sponsor went back out and drank and he died a short time a later. And the same thing happened to another friend of mine. He too had a resentment and went back out and drank and he too died in short order. That’s when I was suddenly awakened and saw that I needed to change or else.
And that’s when my second sponsor stepped into my life and told me that I didn’t know that I didn’t know. I only thought I did. He added that I was educated beyond my intelligence. And he was right on the money. I was told to leave all I thought I knew outside the doors of this program, and leave my personal problems out there with my junk. I was to come into the rooms with an empty head ready to learn what I needed to do to stay sober a day at a time. It took time, but eventually it slowly began to grow within me little by little. It was a struggle, but I somehow knew that I had to stay with it, if I wanted to stay sober and live a sober life.
It was then he introduced me to the spiritual way of life by opening the Second Step to me. I have never forgotten any of this help I received. He like the old timers back then took getting sober and staying sober seriously. And, as I looked at the suffering alcoholic across the room I hoped I was doing what was right. What I had learned a long time ago, when I came into these rooms.
There was a question at the beginning of the meeting, to what lengths are we willing to go to stay sober? One of the answers for me was am I willing to be serious about the disease of alcoholism and be willing to help another alcoholic who is suffering? That means to me to pay attention to what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I learned that from my sponsor and those old timers again and again.
Something must have happened, because when it came to this new person’s chance to speak they talked about their desperation to stop drinking and to take care of their own life and the lives of their little daughters. That made sense to me. Glad I heard that and hope that they begin to do what we all have to do. Besides I was sitting next to another young person, who has only a few weeks in and is trying to listen to what works.
I wasn’t comfortable doing this, but I did it anyway.
It was a good reminder to me today of why I came here in the first place. I’m here to stay sober one day at a time. I need to hear that often over time. I know I can easily forget. Also I was reminded of how grateful I need to be for all that has been given to me over time. Just remembering how it was when I first came in was good for me today.