Have to do?

What is it that I, or we, have to do to stay sober a day at a time? One of those is to remember that this day is right now. It’s not yesterday or the past. That’s gone. It’s over with. And of course, as we all know, but sometime, like yesterday, forget. I never forgot my sponsor and others reminding me of where I was at any given moment. My problem was always my emotions pulling forward or back and my losing where I was at the present moment. Not good to say the least.

That changed over time, when I became more aware of what it was I was supposed to be doing. And that of course was to learn how to put the Second Step and the Third into practice in here. In other words trying to learn how to live a spiritual life. And, I guess, like most of us this was a new concept for me. My becoming willing to believe in and depend on my concept of a Higher Power. Learning to place my hope and my faith in a Power greater than myself. It is still a process which has never grown old. Still learning it seems for me.

And it was this which began to help me to deal with my imperfections. My faults, my defects. That, of course, is dependent on how much I’m committed to staying sober. Whether or not I want to enjoy and be comfortable with this way of life. Meaning I’m no longer in control of this way of life. Never was. Only thought I was, when I came in. That immature nature of mine, which told me that I knew better than anyone else in here. And I walked right into the obstacle in front of me. Myself. And, as my sponsor pointed out, I didn’t have a clue what was going on and what I needed to do, if I sincerely wanted to stay sober the rest of my life.

The changes I had to go through weren’t easy for me. My childish insanity, which I dragged through the doors with me, kept causing me to stumble, as I struggled up this path to sanity and health, physically, mentally, and spiritually. And this where all these Twelve Steps came in. The First, which was the only one I could possibly work perfectly. And that’s because the pain and the despair, which made the surrender I went through one which was never a question. And the rest? Imperfect at best because of me. No matter how I thought I was doing what I was supposed to, I could always find out later on how wrong I was. However I found that what I was doing was the best I could at the time I was doing them.

And another thing I came to learn in here was that I didn’t have to do them perfectly at any given time. I discovered I had the rest of my life. Besides, as I always have to reflect on, I am no saint. I may trying to live a spiritual life, but I have learned how imperfect I really am. Talk about stumbling. I find my faults, my defects popping up from time to time. They’re hardly as bad as they once were. I think that’s due to my Higher Power, who I have to depend on, if I want to stay sober today. And that’s always what I have for now, today.

I look around these rooms and know that I cannot do this by myself. I’ve seen the result too often of what happens to others, who believe they can do this themselves. Not good, that’s for sure. And I don’t want to go there. I have found peace of mind, a new happiness, and a new freedom. Just like the promises in that Ninth Step told me. Not only that, but the miracle of my still being here is absolutely amazing. Not perfect, but grateful for what I have been given. Took time, but I’m grateful that eventually I slowly gave up my junk and accepted this spiritual program as the answer to the alcoholic insanity I was bound up and tied to. And, imagine, I was freed in one self surrender request I made to the God of my understanding. Alcohol was removed and I was freed to begin to undergo the changes I desperately needed to stay sober.

Anyway I have arrived once more at this moment of gratitude I need in order to thank my Higher Power, my old sponsor, all those old timers I knew back then, and all my friends, and my companions through the years in here, who have so generously helped me succeed in here a day at a time. Not an overnight event, but what I needed to do. Thanks.