What is it about anger that makes me think I can manage it all by myself? That was pretty much the subject of the meeting today. It really made me think.
What I was thinking about was what others were saying. Most seemed to demonstrate how they thought they could do it themselves. I was told a long time ago that I’m as powerless over my anger as I am alcohol. My sponsor pointed that out to me, using the BB as reference for this.
The real question I had today was what happened to employing the Steps? I know that when I get angry that that’s when my life really becomes unmanageable. I haven’t forgot that and really can’t afford to forget the 1st Step. But I also know that the solution to all my problems is to be found in the Steps. I know it has always worked for me in my life.
When I finally got to that part in the 9th and 10th Steps, where it states that we have stopped fighting everyone and everything, including alcohol, I became aware that it was true. I had stopped. I had changed, as a result of these Steps. My whole outlook was turned around. My attitude was entirely different than what it had been before. I had, as the BB states, been restored to sanity.
This was especially true, when it came to anger. I had a new view, where I began to realize that my anger was all about me. I now know that, when I begin to feel anger, it’s me. Not someone or something else. I am, like the 10th Steps said, disturbed and there’s something wrong with me.
If I don’t want to drink again, as a result of my anger and the resentments which always follow, I have to find a solution. And the only solution I know is spiritual. In fact, this morning I was bothered by anger, as I was beginning to try to meditate. I found I was blocked from starting my meditation. I had to pause and do a 10th Step and then ask for help from my higher power; the 7th. And it did work for me. Then and only then could I proceed to slide into meditation.
Anyway, I didn’t think about this alone today. I stopped and talked to an old friend about all of this. After that talk, I sat down and thought about all of this and what has worked for me over time. Again, it’s about sobriety and staying sober.