I couldn’t but think how fortunate I am to be sober today. A lot of elements went into making me realize that. A new person at the meeting today gave me that realization. And then the news that an old acquaintance of mine just drank themselves to death. And I realize that could have happened to me.
I was thinking how blessed I have been not to have had to go down that same path. But I never want to forget that it was the path I was on. It’s sometimes hard to imagine that I was one of the ones from whom the thought of that next drink has been taken away. Especially when I think of the power alcohol had over me at one time. There was no way I could have conquered that craving I had within me on my own. The memory of how it was at the end is still there. May I never forget it.
There have been quite a few, whom I knew deliberately set out to end their lives by drinking. Most succeeded. I can only guess that the hopelessness and pain of their situations drove them to finish it that way. One very spiritual man once said that we are made for happiness, but often choose the wrong way to achieve that happiness. Sometimes the pain we cause ourselves from seeking the wrong way ends up with us thinking that the only happiness left available to us is by ending it.
Sounds crazy. But by the time we may reach that point, alcohol has definitely made us insane. I know, because I once reached that point in my life. It was my bottom.
So, today I thought about the gift I have been given. The gift of the 1st Step of this program. The realization of just how powerless I am over alcohol. The gift of such pain, which made me reach out and surrender to the idea that I am an alcoholic. The thought that I needed help and could not do this alone. That I needed everything this program had to offer me not to go back and continue drinking.
I am so grateful for everything that happened to me, which brought me to the point of surrender and acceptance. All the pain and misery, which alcohol had put into my life was exactly what I needed. Like I have often heard, it took every drink I drank to get me on my knees and into the rooms of AA. And, like I said, I am grateful for all of that. May I continue to remember and be so full of this gratitude that I am willing to give away what was so freely given to me.