After thinking about how our feelings can dominate our minds and keep us from realizing the truth about us, something struck me. I had been reading and thinking about someone, who was listening to their feelings, when they were at a low point and believed they were not doing good.
Then it struck me. What if someone, who was feeling just the opposite. They felt well. Good about themselves. Wouldn’t they have their feelings running their minds also? Then what would the truth be for them?
For a moment I thought that maybe what I had been thinking and what I had been reading about the spiritual life was wrong. Like I’ve often said before, what do I know? Nothing. However, maybe feeling “up”, instead of “low”, might just pervert the mind in a different way. After all, the alcoholic is, as Bill W. and others, including Dr. Harry Tiebout, self centered to the extreme. It was Dr. Tiebout, who said that we needed to undergo ego deflation in depth.
Maybe the feelings of being in a higher place than the person suffering from low estimates of themselves could lead to feelings of superiority. Feelings of being better than. Feelings of being a “know-it-all”. Even a certain arrogance.
My sponsor told me that I had to get balance in my life. To live someplace in the middle. Neither high nor low. With a mind like mine that was going to be difficult without some kind of help. And I got that help. First from my sponsor and those old timers. They punctured my ego, when I needed it, and lifted me up when necessary. And then I got help from my higher power, when I needed it. Took time, but I’m still at it.
If anything, I’ve been told I’m too critical of myself. I try not to be that way and often have to leave those thoughts out of my life, by sidestepping my feelings and emotions. By talking to other sober alcoholics and listening to their responses. And, of course, asking for help from the God of my understanding.
Too high or too low can be a trap for someone like me. As I was told, I need balance. Someplace in the middle. I know if I try to work this program, I can get close to that goal. And, if I do, I can stay sober.
Just thinking.