Posted on

Different

I was thinking about the BB today and a number of things came to mind. The first was The Doctor’s Opinion. That led me to the thought about the man he wrote about near the end. The alcoholic patient, who came back to him after a year. He was a man so changed by his introduction into the program that the doctor didn’t recognize him. This man had recovered from drinking alcohol.

I remember, when I read that the first time that it truly inspired me. I wanted to be just like that man. I wanted that to happen to me.

The reason behind all of this was that I came in to the program with a great deal of not liking who I was. Looking back, I think I despised myself. It was my disease of alcoholism. I was physically, mentally, and spiritually ill. And, as I look back past my drinking career, I don’t think I liked myself from the start. Or so it seems.

So, what was the outcome of my coming here. I changed. So much so that I began to really like myself. Looking back over my time in here, I can almost see, when some of these changes began to take place.

The first one, of course, was that I was relieved of the curse of drinking alcohol all the time. Through those hellish years, I couldn’t stop drinking no matter what I tried. Yet this program worked for me. I haven’t wanted a drink, or even think about a drink, no matter what has come up in my life.

The next thing I remember was the freedom from the prison I was encased in within myself. I was paranoid and lonely. Didn’t matter that I had a wife and family. Didn’t matter what kind of a crowd I might have around me. Didn’t matter, who I was talking to, or who was talking to me. I felt totally abandoned. That all went away. I have been able to be alone and not ever feel lonely.

I don’t need a drink to compensate for how I feel today. It’s all changed. And all of this, because along the line I was introduced to a higher power, who has empowered me to live the life I have today. Most of which comes as a result of the people I have met in here and my introduction into the 12 Steps. That spiritual awakening as a result of working this program.

I’m sure I’m not that man in the book. But I can testify that I am a different man today, as surely as he was. Thinking about this made me grateful for all I have been given through this program.

As usual, when I start my day, I’m forced to look at the 2nd and 3rd Steps. Turning my life and will over to the care of the God of my understanding. That seeking to improve my contact with my higher power. And knowing that it is two fold in what I attempt. First through prayer and meditation, but also through the people around me. Those sober men and women, who continue to help me stay sober a day at a time.