Reading the opening pages of the chapter More About Alcoholism reminded me of something I need to remember about myself. The possibility of a delusion in my mind.
I don’t often think of myself in comparison to people, who are not alcoholics. Not only did I read, back when I came in, that I’m not like other people, but I was told that by my sponsor and other old timers. That idea the book told me had to be smashed. Sounded harsh at the time.
Because of my constant exposure to the people in the program, I generally never think about this. But there was a time, when I got caught up in the idea that just maybe I was like other people. My work at the time led me in this direction.
Often times I had to entertain people with whom we did business. Sometimes lunches and even dinners. And that’s when I got a good look at what I was dealing with. And what was it I was dealing with? Alcohol.
Alcohol was all around me on those many occasions. It was right in front of me. I got a good look at what normal people are like. One or two drinks and that was it. And I was sitting there, alcohol free, with a cup of coffee or iced tea, discussing business. Not one of them in my memory was like me. Or what I used to be like. If it had been me, back when I was drinking, I would just be warming up to the booze and not a bit about why I was there. Not these people.
I was one of those people, who was unwilling to admit I was an alcoholic, or at least powerless over alcohol, until I hit my bottom. It’s what stopped me from going further. I was just about at the gates of insanity and close to death.
I did have an idea I was an alcoholic, although I didn’t have a clue as to what that was. Only after I got into the program did I find out.
Nope, I’m not like other people. I came to know that in my dealings with them. I identify with alcoholics like myself in the program. I can identify with alcoholics seeking a solution to their problem. But other people? I can talk about sports with them and maybe another subject, but then I feel like I run out of things to say. What would be the use of saying “nothing’s worth a drink today”? I don’t think so.
If I was still working I’m sure I would be able to deal with them as I did before. Practicing these principles in all of my affairs and hopefully minding my own business. I know that everyone has problems just like I do. But their handling of these problems is beyond me. I’m glad I have a higher power and a whole lot of people on my side.