Thinking about faith today. What I believe. But the word faith doesn’t cover it for me. It’s more a matter of trust.
Growing up and living the way I did, before I drank and during my drinking, trust was hardly in the picture. Reminds me of how unmanageable my life was before coming in here.Trust was something I was going to have to earn and learn.
In the beginning, I rarely wanted to talk to anyone in the rooms and tried to stay to myself. I believed that everyone I met was sober. That’s about as far as it went. I had to be cornered to stop and talk to others. I just didn’t know how to trust anyone.
Not drinking and time began to break down the walls I had put up around me. When I saw that the people lived what they were saying, they walked like they talked, trust began to emerge from the darkness.
With that trust, I was able to begin to work those 2nd and 3rd Steps. I began to have faith, or trust, in a higher power. Unconsciously I guess I knew what it was that stopped my drinking. I had asked for help and it came. Like I said, unconsciously I knew. Because it was only after years that I was made aware that I had had a spiritual awakening before I entered the doors.
I was talking to an old friend this morning and she read something from a book by a spiritual writer. It referred to our relationship with a higher power. I listened and then thought about what this man said. Often we cannot see what is going on between our higher power and ourselves. We get hints and often, through life changes, we get glimpses. But most of the time it’s through others that we hear and get examples of the grace God gives to us. And just as often we seem to be led and then left wondering and seemingly abandoned.
And this is where faith and trust really come to the front.
Anyway, I was thinking about this and other spiritual matters this morning. After all, this is the basis of my sobriety. Of course I’m going to have this theme somewhere inside everyday. Or, at least I should.